this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2023
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Just misunderstanding social cues. Where I live (Spain), there's a script you're supposed to follow for certain things and newcomers, understandably, don't understand the script. One famous example is buying new clothes. They all look great on. The idea here is that the poor person spent their hard-earned money on the new clothes. Damned right they look great on! Another would be birthdays celebrated in public venues. Perhaps someone you know is celebrating their birthday in a public venue and you had no idea they were celebrating their birthday on that day. You walk up to them and wish them a happy birthday, BUT you were not invited to this celebration. Since you weren't invited you did not come prepared with a present for the birthday person. The safe thing to do is to ignore, socialize with the people you came with, and make like that person isn't even there until they approach YOU. When and if they approach you, you make pretend you're all distracted and you have to be like, "Ahhh! I didn't see you! What's up?" The reason: that person is buying all the invitees the drinks and food. In exchange, the invitees have brought presents. It's a very nuanced and weird situation all of us have encountered. We err on the fear of not having brought a present because we had no idea because we were not invited.
That's interesting. Would you please further explain the clothes shopping thing? Is it that it is rude for a shopkeeper or, say, the people you may be shopping with to say anything except "That looks great on you"?
It's more like after they bought the new clothes. Like, your friend bought new clothes and wants to show you what they bought. It could be a friend, a brother, a sister, a cousin, an aunt, anybody. While shopping for clothes, before they buy the clothes, is the right time to criticize. It's perfectly acceptable, and desired, to be out shopping and trying on clothes before buying them, to say whatever you like. "That makes your ass look huge, don't buy that!" is desired, not discouraged. Never trust the salesperson. The employee of the store is going to tell you it all looks good so you buy it, even if it looks bad. They even try to sell you more crap, saying things go together when they don't. I'm talking about after they bought the clothes and they're showing you what they bought because you're their friend or relative or whatever.
huh, so the implication is that saying it looks good means that you're passing judgment on the outfit when it would be incorporate? to my American sensibilities when i pay a compliment it's just to be encouraging. there's no thought in my head that i might say something negative about it. sometimes it's like seeing a kitten and going "aww" I just try to let the kind impulse thoughts out intentionally. especially when complimenting my fellow men's appearance. we don't get that enough otherwise.