Between anxious thoughts and swampy stagnation,
I fear the space I inhabit is above my station.
The sum of my parts is greater than this shell,
Though I still feel I'm wading through the pits of hell.
Remember, an empty shell is tangible potential,
So I smack down this crisis existential.
A mere intermission between trauma and healing,
I can sit and be okay with this dreadful feeling.
I have come so far to be where I am now,
I just wish things came easier to me somehow.
Used and parentified, a mummy bang-maid
Trauma so deep I feel my soul fade.
But I'm still here despite them and their demons,
I'm so much more than their bastard-heathen.
It'll take time and I shouldn't be so hard,
On myself for coming as far as I have.
this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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I had a little nap. I woke up because in my dream the roast lamb I was munching was a little bit chewy. I have dribble on my pillow.
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I can't seem to stop eating.
Not complaining.
back from gym. decided on plyometrics, now im ded
It's my Friday night after working this weekend. Mrs_Owl has an early start, so I'm on the sofa tonight = staying up until 4am watching/passed out in front of YouTube on the PC. Spent the last 20mins trying to remember a banging house track from my 90s clubbing days. Found it!
Camisra - Let Me Show You (Tall Paul remix)
As used in the awesome club scene from Spaced (Simon Pegg)
I'm up for going down this rabbit hole tonight :)
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Today's absolutely weird dream after weeks of not having any:
wordy description of dream
went to a lecture in a fairly large auditorium with old-ish seats that had cheap wood veneer, no idea what the topic was about but my boss was there seated next to me taking notes... so it would've been work related and entirely benign. I'm sitting at the end of the row. Anyway, out of the blue someone yells "GET DOWN" - split seconds before the heart stopping sound of a gunshot - and then a whole lot of screaming and scrambling as everyone is crouched on the floor or bent over.
I hear a soft slide and thud, and a man of African origin - Somali perhaps - lies dead, sprawled over a couple of empty seats just two seats away from my boss and me. People are curious and get up slightly for a better view but multiple voices ring out again: "GET DOWN!!!" Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. A herd of SWAT police materialise as if they've been there the whole time, they yell "CLEAR" to each other and a pair jog over to where I am, everyone else still frozen in terror, pindrop silent. One of the men looks around, looks at the body, makes a hand signal, and a very calm male voice immediately comes on the PA system asking us to please exit the hall in an orderly fashion. Voices rise again as everyone starts to make sense of it all, but staff and police start guiding the masses out. The SWAT guy asks my boss and I to stay behind while other police rush in to cordon off the dead body (where did they come from???), and as I try to put myself together I notice...
The dead body has bright orange blood. Boss and I look at each other with the same face of horror and bewilderment and in that moment we're all just humans going what the fuck.
Anyway, the dream went on for quite a bit longer but it was all paperwork? Yes, I had a detailed and extensive dream that included paperwork and small talk and seeing various professionals turn up.
Brains, man.... I wonder if it'll make a part 2 of this lol.
I've had a cough in the morning and evening for two weeks now. Excited for it to go away
I love the early morning air. Cool and fresh and the smell of the trees. 😊
Whoops, I didn't realise the time and I've been playing Baldur's Gate 3 because I passed a bit of a boss that I didn't want to fight again. Still in the Shadow Lands but I'm getting there in the better timeline.
I didn't end up going to the warehouse sound system event...
But..
Seeing the photos makes me regret I didn't. Looked like a proper abandoned warehouse gig. Hope there are more of them and maybe some daytime park partays come summer.
And..
Reading the comments on it, there are always people who lose things and ask if anyone has found it. This time one was a samsung s23.
So..
Back in my prime raver days the most you'd lose is a jacket and maybe a pinger and not a $1300 phone.
I'm not sure what the moral of that story is because there are a few.
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Attempt number 11 or 12 of a Dead-is-Dead campaign of X3 Terran Conflict. If you die, there's no going back to a save game, you are dead and it's game over (modern games usually call this hardcore mode). I've lasted to the second night a few times, but usually die with about with 2-4 hours of game time.
Tonight, I died on about the fifth night. I had a TM, 400mj of shields protecting me, about 12 Million cr in my account. It looked like this was finally the one I'd make it through nine campaigns.
I wasn't even in combat. Some stupid Strong Arms trader crashed into me coming out of a jumpgate and I was immediately attacked and killed. I had trained over 10 marines and was getting ready to go capture my first corvette. Once in a Corvette, my odds of survival in any normal encounter shoot up 100x.
So frustrating to get so close and lose everything! Roughly 20-25 hours lost. I've said this to myself after a few previous attempts, but I don't know that I have the heart/patience to go back to the start yet again.
Wives and Daughters costuming you may not be 100% but boy do I love you! The BBC really did just go absolutely off tits with its adaptations for a while there.