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I read a while back at the other site that we've all flocked away from. This person's first language was clearly not English, though I have no idea what it was.
Anyway, he direct translated what is commonly said in his language and I found it hilarious.
Drum roll please...
"I needed to empty my ass".
I'm my local dialect of Arabic we say some hilarious expressions for peeing including:
I'm going to fly some water (like flying a kite)
I'm answering nature's call
I'm paying the judge.
My favorite term for pooping in nature when we go hiking was:
Planting a mine
Was that last one some self-deprecating humor?
Not really an answer to the question, but does anyone else think that the phrases "take a shit" and "give a shit" seem swapped? You say you're gonna take a shit when you are giving one to the toilet, and you say you don't give a shit when you are unwilling to take shit.
Taking a dump
Dropping a deuce
Drop a bomb (blow up this bathroom)
On the throne
Number two
Pinch a loaf
Laying a fudge dragon, Dropping the kids off at the pool
Release the kraken
Pooping station
An old timey one I heard was 'I need to see a man about a horse' and one I've actually heard people use was 'I need to drop the kids off at the pool.'
Or man about a dog.
We had to stop when the kids kept getting excited for a puppy twice a day.
I'll be in my office downloading some files.
Leave a deposit, drop the kids off at the pool.
Drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl, drop a duece, βare you gonna take a [first name] and wipe your [last name]?β
"delivery report"
Growing a tail.
Backing one out.
Laying some deep sea cable.
Taking an Edgar/Bradley/Travis (Britt/Pitt/Tritt)
Snapping one off.
Pinching off a loaf.
Giving birth to a project manager.
Dropping the kids off at a pool
Committing a war crime
Posting on reddit
AGB .. After Grog Bog. That poo you do the next day after a night on the turps and once you do this, you feel so much more human.
"Practicing the tuba" is my go-to with peers, but if I need to be delicate I might say someone "had to step into another room for a minute". To my family, I say "I'm going to sit down upstairs for a little while" and they know what I mean.
face burp im gonna take a shit
The throne is a frequent one.
Also releasing torpedoes, and Talking to God
After the Lies of P trailer, I say I have to "activate my P organ"
Laying cable.
Sending a memo to the CEO, if itβs a work poo
Taking a crap (crappers were common toilets back in the day, I actually used a crapper toilet recently, that was a day to remember)
Us Brits offten call the toilet 'the bog'
Doing a poo is the most frequent in my house.