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Women of Lemmy, how to pleasure someone that does not enjoy any clitoris stimulation? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Well, as the title says, I'm facing an issue that I'm not sure how to improve.

My partner does not enjoy any sort of clitoris stimulation, I tried everything from rough to gentle, from fingers to tongue, with lube and without. It seems that she truly does not enjoy it in anyway.

She does enjoy penetration very much and I put all of my efforts there, but I feel like I can't get her to an orgasm/higher pleasure and while she is satisfied right now I fear that over time she wont be.

So my question is what else can I do? There are some other pleasure areas that we use such as ears, emotional connection, fantasies, dirty talk, etc.

Maybe something I haven't tried on the clitoris? Maybe something else that can take it to the next level? Maybe something that she can do? Maybe just accept that this is okay? Again, she does enjoy herself a lot and is completely satisfied as far as I know, but as I'm her first I think that she is missing out on a level of pleasure that I can't figure how to help her achieve without the clitoris.

ETA: she does not masturbate, so no guidance or hidden methods on her part.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 day ago (11 children)

Couple of pointers. One, if she is on any medication, check for any side effects. That includes any birth control pills. Two, you mentioned neither she masturbates nor she has experience, hence I would suggest that she may try masturbating if she is okay to try out. That may uncover more about her body.

Also if she lacks experience, it can take months for her to be completely comfortable and enjoy it, because relaxing is not very easy for everyone.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago (10 children)

What if she's been on BC for almost 20 years and never masturbates ever because it doesn't "work" Toys also do not "work". Also eating peach with different methods with genuine enthusiasm doesn't work.

Note: This is not /s I'm being legit.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Does anything at all "work" for her? Tbh sex related things just don't "work" for me..never have and I can't say that the seems to be a reason why. We are all just different. I know antidepressants can cause that sort of thing, but some of us are just that way naturally. Is this causing a rift in the relationship because on person needs sex and the other doesn't?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 23 hours ago

Nothing has worked consistently.

Does she enjoy it? sometimes but It's like taking out the trash. 0 sex again would have zero impact. Liquor helps but only drinks at restaurants and only with a meal. So 99% of the time, just too full to make use of it. Suspected the bc but she was off them for a few years, no change. No medication either. Lost weight 0 change. In college, we thought it was Stress levels but it's lower now with no change.

Now no cuddles or daily massages would be an issue for her. Withhold for a few days and watch that blow up.

It's always been a chasm in the relationship.

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