Dungeons and Dragons

Hi! I've never played DnD before but I've been invited to a game and I'm looking for some advice for my guy.

I envisioned that in a world with bards, there had to be critics too, right? So this character had a weekly column in some newsletters published from town to town (is that a thing?) and developed a reputation for being a snob. He barely ever hands out a score higher than 6 out of 10.

After unfairly giving a negative review some bards had enough of this and they want to kill him! So our music critic is now on the run from angry bards when he runs into our group of adventurers.

He has no experiance in ever fighting anyone or anything. His parents were bards and he would have been one too but he can't sing or play any instrument (I haven't decided if thats because he's hopelessly bad at it or maybe he's been cursed?) His only real talent seems to be intuitive analysis and articulate critique - skills that have helped him at what he does, until now.

I need help understanding what stats and what class / subclass I should be, or if this is all a terrible idea...

THANK YOU!