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Shouting at children can be as damaging as physical or sexual abuse, study says (www.theguardian.com)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Parents who shout at their children or call them “stupid” are leaving their offspring at greater risk of self-harm, drug use and ending up in jail, new research claims.

Talking harshly to children should be recognised as a form of abuse because of the huge damage it does, experts say.

The authors of a new study into such behaviour say “adult-to-child perpetration of verbal abuse … is characterised by shouting, yelling, denigrating the child, and verbal threats”.

“These types of adult actions can be as damaging to a child’s development as other currently recognised and forensically established subtypes of mistreatment such as childhood physical and sexual abuse,” the academics say in their paper in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I am 70 the words uttered by my father when I was 5 still ring in my ears. He said "I wish you had never been born".

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I am 32. I love my dad, he did his best. He was a good dad.

But I will probably never be able to forgive him for the times he shouted and yelled at me when I wasn't a good kid. He went into fits of rage over mundane things like homework and failing school. I remember everything he said in those fits of rage. Every instance of it. And I definitely remember feeling terrified.

And will remember it until the day I die.

Even at 70 years old.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This makes me sad tbh. I'm 21, and get flashbacks of my dad yelling at me, especially when someone yells at me irl. I was scared that I'd spend my life trying to get rid of them... now I wonder if that's even possible

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You might be able to do it if you'll get closure by talking to your dad about it.

My dad is the type that is never wrong, never does anything bad, and therefore never apologizes. I brought this up a few times and he always say I exagerrate or those instances never happened. He will never own up to it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unfortunately, both my parents are like that too. I went no contact for that reason, actually.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

It is possible to get closure anyway, eg. by not doing the same mistake yourself or by surrouding yourself with healthy relationships and realizing your parent is just a human being full of faults and you're your own person. I have examples around me of people who were able to get over it finally and also of people who carried it with them their whole life (and I don't blame them). The sad thing is how many people have such burden in the first place.