this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2023
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No, the solution is to find a hobby you can enjoy with other people in order to find opportunities to make friends.
If I am forcing myself to do it, it's not a hobby. I already have hobbies that I want to do and they take over all of my free time. All of them are best done at home and alone.
If your goal is to make friends and your current way isn't working, you will have to force yourself to change. There just isn't any other way.
Friends don't fall from the sky. You have to put in time and effort in any type of human relationship. That is just how things are.
He didn't say his goal was to make friends. I'm the same way, and I'm happier than I've ever been putting my efforts into myself instead of other people.
How could you know that? Do you ask every acquaintance about their emotional support?
I've actually found that process to be frustrating more than anything. Distraction and exercise are far more effective coping methods for me. Venting just gets me worked up all over again.
Okay, maybe try striking up conversations during slow times at work? It doesn't have to be a hobby, that's just one of the better ways in many cases.
This year, I moved to a new city, got a high-paying job, and have been engaging in hobbies such as writing, karaoke, and I'm trying to learn dnd. No local friends yet, but I'll keep at it.
Last year and before, I had a low-paying job that kept me constantly stressed. I went home, played video games with people online, and otherwise wasted my time. My only irl friends were people I worked with and people I knew from high school. I think the advice about hobbies is good. But fighting through depression to a place where you can spend time socializing isn't always as easy as "get hobbies," especially when you're poor.
Yes, the advice is neurotypical because that's how I am, so sorry if it doesn't apply to you completely. I'm no expert on everything, so if you have additional requirements to social interaction, you'll have to consult with somebody who knows instead of me.
That said, surely the following are true regardless:
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Also, I've never met a person who's unlikable to everyone. Don't sell yourself short.
One issue I am running into is I am an amateur when it comes to a lot of my hobbies. I feel like if I were to join up with someone else or a group I'd be slowing them down.
Try finding a group that's at your level. There are other amateurs out there. It worked out for me. I kept mentioning my hobby (and lack of a friendly group to share it with) to people in appropriate circumstances and in the end my coworker/friend helped me infiltrate a group that's at just the right level of amateurness for me. It's possible!
I can only speak for myself and my experiences, but generally people are interested in sharing their hobbies and helping people love what they want.
There are, of course, exceptions, such as private ttrpg sessions that might just happen to be in a public place. Even then, a polite request to sit in and listen might be accepted.
Even if someone isn’t interested in helping induct an amateur, they can likely point you to people or resources to get started and build skills.
Communication is everything. Just be honest about yourself and what you’re looking for and you’ll probably find where you need to be. Don’t get discouraged with a bad encounter, it’s probably not about you.