this post was submitted on 22 Nov 2023
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Fun fact: if you fuck anyone, you're fucking your cousin.
Unless they're closer than a cousin.
0th cousins
Well, still technically your cousin, but also close family tie, moving them beyond cousin status. Like everybody is a quadrilateral, so you are fucking another quadrilateral, but it gets weird when rectangles or squares start fucking the same shapes when their family tree is all just rectangles or squares.
My wife is literally from the other side of the world... So now you have me wondering who our last common ancestor could be and how many degrees removed we are.
My wife and I both have Scottish ancestry. Turns out there’s a chance a clan I descended from may have nearly genocided a clan she descended from, and if they had completed the job back in the day there’s a good chance she wouldn’t have been born. A few from her clan were let go to spread the word to others to not fuck around, and she’s descended from one of them.
Brutal. Her clan's still being fucked generations later.
Did you apologize?
They started it.
Oh. Did she apologize?
She better apologize or else her dead clan will become significantly more genocide-d!
Mitochondrial Eve
Lol, that actually sounds like fun to investigate, and i'm a bit jealous. My SO and I both have family that lived in rural Arkansas up until the early-to-mid 1900s. We stopped asking questions after we discovered that because we don't want to end up having to ask how close is too close. We're definitely not 2nd cousins or anything, and it's doubtful that our respective "rural Arkansas" is the same place. But my grandfather was an orphan, so that side of the family tree is particularly murky...
Oh! Only tangentially related, but I have a second cousin out in Alabama who married her step-brother. They didn't become step-siblings until they were in their late teens, so it's not like they grew up together (well, not anymore so than kids the same age in a small town), but still... Roll Tide.
True, but considering I'm Jewish as far back as we can trace and there are no Jews in her ancestry as far back as she can trace, we're pretty distant cousins.
Not if you go full Alabama or Oedipus or Electra (complex)
Your 0th cousin?
That's exactly how I feel too man.