this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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Christmas pudding icecream made, roast turkey done and carved and carefully stored, last of the presents wrapped, arguments between the other adults in the house mediated. Tablets taken for sudden migraine caused by the arguing. Minipeelers and I went to bed, a little subdued and somewhat downhearted about the arguing. Could they not even have one Christmas without it? Just for a change? Just once?
The Minipeelers really got involved in the food prep this year and I enjoyed sharing my knowledge with them. A treasured family member who lives at the end of our street came to visit in the afternoon, which I thought worthy of cracking open the Bailey's Tiramisu I received as a gift from a colleague. Bloody nice, so smooth.
There is a bird on a nest just outside my loungeroom window and there is a baby bird. It's only a blackbird, but they're not a problem in my yard and far from pestiferous. I find myself hoping they're ok in all this rain, and worrying about them a bit.
A lot to unpack here. Tell me all about the Christmas pudding. Slowly in detail. Don't skip anything. I need to imagine things.
You get your favourite rich creamy vanilla icecream (I like Streets Blue Ribbon) and any dark fruitcake or rich Christmas cake or pudding you like (has to be a dark style of cake, rich and fragrant). You break up the cake/pudding and crumble it up as best you can while allowing an equal amount of icecream to soften slightly. You then mix them with a fork until well combined. You have to take another bowl the appropriate size for the quantity you're making and line it with cling wrap (I've got a favourite ceramic mixing bowl that's kind of pudding shaped that I always use). Spread the icecream mixture out as flat as you can into the bowl and freeze until ready to use. When ready to serve, take the bowl out of the freezer, allow to sit for a moment, then invert onto a serving plate, remove all plastic and cut into slices. It became a tradition at Christmas time after too much dithering and debate (and a couple of doses of awful cheap clearance microwave puddings MIL got from NQR) about whether we should bother with Christmas pudding at all. The kids aren't huge Christmas pudding fans, MIL can't be bothered, Mr P insists on a sweet and I like tradition with a twist. This way everyone gets what they want.
I think there needs to be a conversation with one or both of them about the arguing, because it's just rude to ruin the day for everyone else. Especially every year. Buttt... I'm aware some people who are unaware or uncaring enough to do this stuff will only double down and make it even harder on you for having tried to have the conversation/set a limit. So then you're left with the original problem plus being punished with passive aggressive butthurt.
A more subtle way might be in order.
It could be that there's a blanket rule about not arguing at the dinner table (make sure others back you up). And there's conveniently some post meal activities for you and the kids to remove yourselves to if they start beefing. A Christmas movie is a good one because it's obviously gonna be rude to argue during a movie. Or perhaps you and the kids 'found the meal a bit heavy and need a post prandial walk'.
They're adults. They choose to get into conflict. It's not your job to mediate and make things easier for them. It's not your problem. Your duty of care is to yourself and your children.
I have no idea who the instigator is (or if it's both) but I'll leave you with this. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a73920524/dont-rock-the-boat