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How old were you? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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How old were you when you began questioning/considering you weren't "normal"? I'm in my 30s and almost all at once feel like I'm not sure what I am in most demensions and struggling to figure out what I feel about anything. I've been married, happily for a while, which adds a little to the confusion.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I kinda knew I didn't vibe with my AGAB at a pretty young age, maybe 12 or earlier? Idk i just kinda remember vague disassociation towards my agab. One of the first concrete trans thoughts i had was while watching an anime where full body cyborgs exist and I remember thinking/wishing for that to be real so I could swap into a woman's body. The same show also made me aware that being attracted to the same/both genders was a thing that could exist.

At the time I didn't really have the knowledge to really grasp the ideas that were forming so I didn't accept/understand I was bisexual until I was maybe 20. And I didn't really come to understand this general disdain for my physical and social gender and sex were a symptom of being trans until about mid 2019, or when I was about 24. The weird thing was that I knew and understood trans women specifically because i'd befriended a few over online MMOs (and asked the mandatory prying questions that apathetic teenagers tend to ask. thank you so much for your patience Kira/Demi.) but didn't associate the status with my own situation.

Figuring ourselves out is a hell of a path and nobody's is identical to anothers, so don't feel too overwhelmed with your current situation or the possibility of being a late bloomer, things fall into place eventually.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I can relate to some of that. I do have some memories of being uncomfortable about my body and wondering if I was supposed to have been the other and somehow everyone got it wrong when I was born, though whatever age I was, I don't think trans was anywhere near mainstream and had no idea it existed.

Also, I think it was some egg_irl memes that started the questions. I stumbled onto it and they were kind of funny, until "Wait. Are these too funny?" This being sometime after also realizing I had adhd after finding their memes too funny and relatable.

Maybe I will end up accepting myself the way I was, or not, but yeah it is a hell of a thing. It's like I was vibing trying to survive life and someone suddenly pulled the fucking floor out from under me.