chapotraphouse

This was a real quote I watched it live

you used to be able to be an anthropomorphic wolf in a tuxedo and get a gander at a real looker in a shimmering red dress and furs crooning and gyrating on stage and have your eyes pop out of their sockets and float in mid air several feet away from your face, miraculously unburdened by their optic nerves. You used to be able to let your eyes float through the air all the way up to the stage so that you could get a real closeup. You used to be able to yell things like "awooga" and "hummina hummina" and whistle and bark and howl and drool and pick up your chair and bang it on the table until it broke. You used to be able to bonk yourself on the head with a comically large mallet that you pulled out of a pocket too small to hold it. You used to be able to manifest a steam train whistle out of thin air and blow on it without any consequences. You used to be able to punch yourself in the face several times with a boxing glove on a jack-in-the-box spring, before dumping a bucket of ice cold water on your head. But now you can't. Because of woke moralists.