Remember it’s dialogue not monologue. If they’re not following where you are going in the conversation, turn around and come back.
this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2024
40 points (100.0% liked)
Autism
6829 readers
1 users here now
A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.
We have created our own instance! Visit Autism Place the following community for more info.
Community:
Values
- Acceptance
- Openness
- Understanding
- Equality
- Reciprocity
- Mutuality
- Love
Rules
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
- Posts must be related to autism, off-topic discussions happen in the matrix chat.
- Your posts must include a text body. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to be descriptive.
- Do not request donations.
- Be respectful in discussions.
- Do not post misinformation.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- Do not promote Autism Speaks.
- General Lemmy World rules.
Encouraged
- Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
- Funny memes.
- Respectful venting.
- Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions regarding autism.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our community's values.
- Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
- Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it. Chat Room
- We have a chat room! Want to engage in dialogue? Come join us at the community's Matrix Chat.
.
Helpful Resources
- Are you seeking education, support groups, and more? Take a look at our list of helpful resources.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
To add to this: take notice of how much they are sharing back. If all they are saying are acknowledgements (e.g "Yeah", "of course", "I hear that", "wow, that's crazy") then they aren't really with you in the conversation. The dialogue has become a monologue.
Wait, that's mostly what I do in many conversations.. damn.
It takes practice, but a good approach is not to go beyond a few sentences on a topic at a time. Give them a chance to change the direction of the conversation (which will happen if they are not interested) or ask follow-up questions (typically indicates that they are interested, although sometimes it may just be that they are being polite, in which case you'll usually only get one or two before the other person moves on to something else). As one of the other comments says, it's a dialogue, not a monologue - most of the time the other person isn't engaging to get information from you but to connect with you (and yeah, that can be a really nebulous concept at times!). It's really easy to infodump but most people don't have the context or depth of knowledge to follow a deep dive on a subject.
How to you find the energy to maintain a conversation like that? I know how to hold a "proper" conversation, it's just so much work and the longer the conversation the stronger the brain fog becomes. I feel the life getting sucked out of my body.
The best case is when I am (1) well-rested, (2) not hungry or thirsty and (3) not already agitated/close to being overwhelmed going into it. Socialising definitely drains me, though, and I have gotten better at recognising when I need a break before it becomes critical. That way I can politely excuse myself (if it's a social function, usually I have a plan in advance to go outside or away from people for a bit to recover).
Unfortunately it's just reality that some people are energised by that type of conversation or social interaction, whilst for others it is exhausting. Energy management is the key thing for those of us who find it draining. Interoception is sometimes impeded for individuals on the spectrum, so if it's hard to identify or keep track of how are you going (and hence whether it is time to politely exit the conversation), there are exercises one can find online to help improve interoception.
What are you oversharing about?
I mean on day one I wouldn't talk about like childhood trauma or something. Just talk about your hobbies or interests, but surface level. Don't infodump their ass the first time you talk about something.
I have a fidget ring. It's great. But I don't worry about colleagues any more than other social contacts. They're not some weird different set of people.
Ask questions. That's always a good way to stop over sharing.
Only talk about work stuff.