this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition

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Welcome to Food Crimes! This community is here to collect all and any post about cursed food and generally unusual consumables.

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  1. Posts must include an image or video containing food or drink.
  2. It must be unusual or cursed in some way. a. For example, something like Doritos Milk would be unusual, but normal milk would not.
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How to tag: To tag your posts, please prepend or append the tag name inside square brackets. For example,[OC] Foo bar baz or foo bar baz [Meta] would be acceptable. Multiple tags will require separate pairs of brackets, like so: [Edited][OC] foo bar baz

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[–] [email protected] 80 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Serve with mayonnaise.

😂 There's a kind of innocent madness in this "recipe" that makes me happy.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago

This absolutely screams "I was zooted on lithium when I came up with this" 🫤

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

making the mayo optional was the only mercy to be found in this recipe.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago

Keep in mind, some dude in the 50's probably came home to this expecting meat and potatoes. Say what you will about "traditional marriage", but I'd only wish this travesty on the worst of the worst.

[–] [email protected] 71 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

I love how fast and loose this plays with the definition of "salad".

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Right? Cover a fucking donut with mayonnaise, serve it on a single leaf of lettuce - boom, salad.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

You watch, Dunkin' Donuts will feature this next month as "healthy".

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Can't wait to see a black forest gateau salad.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

In the 70s salad was any sort of combination of plant material and sauce

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago

Yes! Throw some crap in jello, serve on a lettuce leaf, SALAD!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Ah no. A salad was anything combined with anything else but not cooked (again). This led to some true abominations at the table. Too often, mayonnaise (and not even mayonnaise but Miracle Whip) served as the binder.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

My wife's grandma makes "pretzel salad", which is crushed pretzel sticks that are tossed with a mixture of margarine and cream cheese, I think, then baked until crispy then crumbled.

In the meantime, cream cheese, maybe whipped cream?, sugar, a few other onesies and twosies, and canned shredded pineapple are mixed into an unholy slop.

Then, when is time to serve, the crumbles are mixed in with the slop and there you go. Salad.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Is this a side for a meal, or a dessert?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

I believe it's a dessert

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

The recipe actually started off halfway decent until the donuts and mayonnaise lol

It definitely sounds like some classic 1950s cooking... The only things missing are maraschino cherries and cut up hot dog weiners

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago

Then put the whole thing in a jello mold.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

No one mentions how most of the bored housewives used drugs back then. This recipe is missing jello!!

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

And still not a salad lol, more like a dessert.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It started with prunes and cottage cheese. That's already bottom of the barrel right there.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Well I think I can confidently speak for all "meat and potatoes" men when I say that not only would this not change my mind, I think I'd never be able to look at a prune in the same way again after eating this

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It would change my mind about ever spending time with this person ever again.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

No, in fact this was NOT a good meal. You get no points, and may god have mercy on your soul!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

"Eating this"?

I would possibly examine, dissect and document this. But eat?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago

3 random ingredients on a lettuce leaf: SALAD!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This has to be fake. No one would combine these.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Post war cooking was wild.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

My Silent Gen mom was an awful cook. Casseroles every damned night, same shit over and over again, zero tolerance for creatively changing a recipe. I could see her finding this recipe and serving it over and over again.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

took me a LONG time to recover from high school cafeteria’s Friday tuna casseroles (complete with canned peas)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago

Shit like this is why meat eaters are not convinced going vegetarian isn't a conspiracy.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I hope that "chef" spent the rest of their life in prison.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I've had a little theory that post war American food is universally terrible due to everyone smoking and destroying their taste buds. Stuff starts getting better in the mid 90s when smoking rates start noticeably dropping.

Especially with coffee. People used percolators for years. You know how bad percolator coffee is? So bad that when Mr Coffee came out, it sold for about the same inflation adjusted price as a modern entry level espresso machine. It went into high end restaurants and people thought it was amazing.

I don't know if this fully works, though. Much of Western Europe had higher smoking rates for longer, and the food isn't so shit.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

This is just an episode of ~~Can't Cook, Won't Cook~~ Ready Steady Cook, where one of the contestants has brought in some prunes, cottage cheese, donuts and a lettuce.

I can already hear Ainsley Harriott getting unnecessarily excited.

(Edit: sorry, got my Ainsley Harriott cooking shows muddled up!)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't forget the mayo mentioned in the last line.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Made me literally wtf out loud...like before that ehhh ok no but then Mayo???? Barf

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Adding lettuce does not a salad make. If I chop up some tomatoes and cover a cheesecake in ranch dressing, is it a salad? No, it's a crime against God and man, and restitution must be made.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

I'll stick to meat and potatoes, thanks

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Growing up with food ideas like this might explain some things about boomers.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If I drive home from the supermarkt with some baby leafs in the trunk, does that qualify as a human-car-salad? And would that be still be legal or count as attempted (self-)cannibalism?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

self-cabbage-ism

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That has to be parody. "Serve with mayonnaise" is too perfect a what-the-fuck ending.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

I feel like a lot of postwar US cooking could be explained by the following facts:

  • A Americans lived through the great depression
  • All Americans lived through world war rationing
  • A huge portion of Americans grew up in a world where things like refrigeration, grocery stores, etc didn't exist.

The end result was the food equivalent of giving a thirteen year old from the 1990s a smartphone for the first time. Just pure disgusting excess with no real rhyme or reason.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

So has anyone of you tried this yet? What's your verdict?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

“Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he’s created? …here on Earth?”

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