this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2023
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[–] [email protected] 191 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Ignoring the obvious joke, she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities. Is she gentle, caring, and compassionate? Does she humbly serve the poor and the disadvantaged? Does she forgive her enemies and bless those who oppose her? Does she sacrifice for the benefit of others!?

I'm a Christian and while I don't know for certain, I believe God knows the heart. But I don't expect to see her in Heaven...

[–] [email protected] 89 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

she doesn't display any of Jesus's qualities

Disagree.

She has long hair. Ok, not specified in the bible, but it's canon at this point.

Also the episode of Jesus whoring at the theatre... Wait what is this bible?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (3 children)

For a moment I really thought there was something in the bible that could be seen as Jesus "whoring at the theater"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (4 children)

If US Christians are making it up as they go and seeing whatever they wanna see in the Bible, then I call upon you, my child, to announce your submission to the Parable of Jesus the Whore of the Theater and the Christ.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Jesus had hair like lamb's wool, canonically.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She is also white, like Jesus.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Jesus would've given handies in the cinema if he was asked.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

MAGA Christian, which is the majority of "Christians".

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[–] [email protected] 136 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Oh common guys, that doesn't have to be about oral sex and you know it.

It could just as well be about doggy style.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 year ago (6 children)
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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wow. Way to circumvent my comment with a clever zip in the other direction. I love it.

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[–] [email protected] 98 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She’s apparently equally strong while seated in a crowded movie theater.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

This is the part that really got me. We’re all human and have our urges, no shame there. The average unknown Joe Schmoe knows to contain themselves in public - let alone a public figure with all eyes on them. What was the thought process?

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 year ago

It’s Bobo, friend, there is no “thought” process

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The theater is dark, and she probably didn't realize it had night vision cameras for security. Most people will also not have phones at hand, as its a rude act in a theater.

She really thought she could be an asshole because social pressure and darkness made it hard to prove she was an asshole after the fact. Its why she came out lying hard about vaping around pregnant women and somehow didn't mention have her chest gropped and grabbing for dick around a bunch of people/kids.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She's certainly good on her knees, but Jesus' got nothing to do with it...

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Catholic priests: That's what I keep telling the alter boy!

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 year ago (7 children)

Shit like this makes me think she knows exactly what she's doing, and she's trying to position herself as the Sexy Nun archetype. She tries to be good but can't help that the world sexualizes her against her will (wink). She would be ever so grateful to any strong, Christian men who might come to her aid and defend her honor from the lustful satanists.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This lady dumb as a box of hair, bless her soul...

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (2 children)

She probably thinks, in all honesty, that the average person is too stupid to understand the innuendo, and that only the clever ones will get it, like it's some exclusive inside joke.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Only 150+ IQ people can solve this puzzle.

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[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 year ago (1 children)

So she gives good head. Woopty do.

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 year ago

I think they tossed her from the theater before she was "driven" to her knees.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago

And she's got that poofy hair so you can set your beer on her head...

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I wouldn't even expect her to be good at that. She has the same personality as those who are bad at it- arrogant, condescending, etc. The traits that make her a bad person also tend to make bad lovers.

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[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (6 children)

As an atheist who was raised Christian I'm torn.

On one hand, God dies not take kindly to charlatans and blowhards. On the other hand, I am of the belief that this life is all there is and shitty people like her are statistically unlikely to get some cosmic comeuppance after death

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Right, that's the thing they don't get. Might surprise them to learn, I almost wish their beliefs were true, so that they might taste that eternal fire they wish on others for their own shitty actions and thoughts

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

As an atheist, I wish we could have a rapture so the rest of us could get on with our lives

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[–] dbilitated 9 points 1 year ago

blowhards

indeed. heh.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago

Are we not doing phrasing anymore?! - Archer

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Bobo, what the fuck are you talking about?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (5 children)

What are you talking about?
We've seen the video. You read the tweet.

This woman has obviously sucked a whole bag of dicks.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Whose shots have been fired exactly?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

That's not an answer to my question, captain obvious, Sir.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

Well, ok then.... unzips trousers

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

I’m gonna need video proof of that one.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago

The religious right is officially a post-religion movement.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A lot of the Christians who ban extramarital sex also define sex very narrowly; as such, they say “if you see a nice Christian girl on her knees, she ain’t praying”.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

That is usually how the pedo priests do it, so yeah.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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