this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2024
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ADHD

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My childhood best friend is ADHD, all but 1 of my other childhood friends is ADHD and about half of my current friends that I hang out with are either ADHD, on the autism spectrum or likely to be but as yet undiagnosed.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 9 months ago (1 children)

We're the only ones who can tolerate each other for long periods. Most neurotypicals are extremely annoyed by our inattentivenss and impulsivity.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

What? I zoned out.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yes, because other people are boring

[–] [email protected] 16 points 9 months ago (2 children)

I've tried so many times. Can't do it. Especially as an adult and all most people want to talk about are their kids and work.

Thanks no thanks. I'm talking to you for stimulation. Not reminders of my own responsibilities I've probably been inadequately maintaining.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

They don't... do anything! They don't talk about themselves or that side project they're obsessed with (what side project?) or their shower thoughts or... How am I supposed to work with that?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Just void of enthusiasm and personality

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Try to find a boardgame group near you and when you hang out with those people everybody will be focused on playing a stimulating game whether or not they are ADHD!

I hate when people only talk about the executive function schedulizing and management of their life. Not only is it boring it just stresses me out. Thinking about it in my own life is already overwhelming enough for the microscopically sized executive function department in my head.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I think it's that neuro-diverse people tend to gravitate towards each other, so this is probably survivor's bias. I definitely find that other people with ADHD are able to grab and hold my attention better than neuro-typical people and also they're more understanding and forgiving when I'm flaky, or too hyperactive, or whatever.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

It is like how I have noticed queer people often tend to be nicer, more fully realized people than hetero people. Of course there are assholes of every type but in general hetero neurotypical people, especially if they are older men, can just behave like babies their whole life and not really be challenged to grow in any way beyond accepting whatever society hands them as part of an imposed identity and it is not a recipe for forming kind empathetic humans.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I mean, have you met many neurotypical people? It might be a confirmation bias caused by social sorting. I’m ‘quirky’ and I expect nothing less from the people I choose to hang with. It just turns out the quirks I gravitate toward are correlated with neurodiversity.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 9 months ago (2 children)

Aside from myself, there is only one other person in my family that has been formally diagnosed as being neurodivergent (autism). I was diagnosed when I was 32. So I found it interesting that even decades before that, I happened to tend to be closer to people that were formally diagnosed with ADHD. The vast majority of my classmates, coworkers and students that I have tutored were very likely neurotypical. But this wasnt true of most of the people I chose to be around.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

I'm feeling scared because I'm worried I blacked out, made a new account and posted this.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I don't know how, but half of my students (I tutor online) are neurodivergent too, which suits me just fine.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

Well the school system isn't very supportive of neurodivergent students so it isn't THAT surprising.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I frequently share the show Love on a Spectrum to others. They get surprised by some folks on the show who have similar behaviors like their friends/coworkers. And I have to go, "Yep!"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I wonder if that's due to like people grouping together, or people taking on personality traits of those they spend time with.

I know I've picked up a few things that my wife does, like wiping my fingers every time I touch food to eat it.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago

Yes. I'm neurotypical though. Or not enough for it to be a disorder is probably closer to the truth.

I have been tested as a child. My mother is a special ed teacher and I helped her out in class a few times, so I also feel confident that I don't have a disorder.

My spouse has it bad though.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

It's probably roughly half, so still much higher than an average sample. I definitely gravitate towards others that can understand on some level.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Yes but i went to a school for people with disabilities.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 8 months ago

That's cheating. :P

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

Same here. I think people just naturally find the people that "get" them. Pretty sure that's the only reason I got hired at my last job. She's as ADHD as me!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago

No. My friends (especially my closest friends) are not ADHD on the spectrum or have something similar. They may not be sane but definitely not ADHD more the opposite. In my family however that is another picture, but since it is hereditary it's no wonder.

I just logged in to make this comment, because it is obviously not the norm here.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

I am so far as I know neurotypical. I don't have a ton of close friends, but of my four I think two have ADHD and two I think are neurotypical.

One of those close friends, I think the majority of their friends are neurodiverse.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

A good chunk of my close friends (and me) are now diagnosed as adhd

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

Its like stands, we eventually find each other

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yes, but I think I’m the only one that was formally diagnosed for it (ages ago). Because of my ability to identify similarly-brained people, I’ve been able to point out to friends that they have heavy ADHD tendencies too.