FlowerTree

Basically phone speakers at home, earbuds while away. As basic as you can get.

Ori and the blind forest, a hat in time, deltarune. It's amazing how good videogame soundtrack can get!

It's not so much already on my mind.

I didn't spend too much effort when choosing the name while Playing Stardew; it was the first name that clicked, and never in a million year I'd think to use that name for myself.

But I oversimplified it. Truth is, I also had quite a few other names on my mind when choosing my name specifically, Jasmine's one of them. It took me a week before I settled on Jasmine and even more weeks before I was fully confident it's the right name.

The story of how I got my name was both interesting and mundane.

I played a videogame named Stardew Valley and created a female character there. I don't really think about it much when choosing her name, I just wanted a plant-related feminine name so I chose Jasmine.

Many weeks later, my egg cracked and I randomly chose Jasmine as my new name. Later that day, I realized that the name was the same as my Stardew character.

Yes, it is perfectly okay to transition in any way that you want. It does not make you selfish. You don't "owe it to your culture" to continue repressing by pretending to be something that you're not. There is nothing wrong with being trans, and there is nothing wrong with you being yourself.

You're right. Maybe there's a reason "going against your culture and parents to do the right thing" is a common trope, and we consider the charactes who did it hero instead of villain.

Still, it'd be hard to reprogram decades of anti-trans stance brought on from my culture, even more so when it's still proliferating and as things gets worse for us.

As for tackling your internalized transphobia, I would encourage you to stop intentionally seeking out transphobic content online - as you have already identified it is a form of digital self-harm.

It's easy for me to avoid them most of the time, but it's very hard when my mood is low. Worse, most of my transphobia nowadays comes from my head, not contents from the internet. I can't exactly turn off my brain to avoid thinking of transphobic thoughts...

block yourself from going there if the impulse is too strong.

A good number of transphobia I had is from anti-trans laws news, which I find easily from most trans communities. When I hear transphobic laws passed, I tried my best to justify them even though I didn't agree with them. It's like I'm putting effort to become transphobic, even though deep down I don't want to.

I would recommend talking with an LGBT+ friendly therapist if you are in a position to see one.

I think I might if things get worse, but there's practically no LGBT friendly therapists around, nor do I have the money to see one.

Maybe I can contact a trans friendly hotline if they operate worldwide. Maybe like the trevor project or something like that.

I always shied away from anything trans because I thought so many cultures are opposed to us. But you're right, in a vacuum, I would me more than happy to be a girl, at least a part of me (we're a bit plural). I think I should not stop dreaming to be a girl one day.

I feel that it's wrong to go against everyone, so selfish. Then again, there's a reason that defying what your culture say is a common trope in movies. Think of Moana, Cinderella, Romeo and Juliet, or even Aladdin.

If your culture is transphobic, you are allowed to just ignore or reject the bigoted parts (or any other parts you have no interest in) and be the woman you want to be (and are).

I know, but... idk... it still feels wrong. I've been taught for a very long time that trans people have no place in my culture, and that it is my duty to uphold my masculinity. I know I'm wrong, but it's really hard to deprogram yourself after years of being taught.

I guess more exposure to trans culture will help, but it's hard when even interacting with the trans community feels wrong. Maybe you know a way to make it easier?

But, I'll be honest, my biggest problem right now is just how much I've tried to seek out transphobic content lately, it's almost like a form of self harm. It's even worse when I internalized and accepted the transphobic things I've found.

Of course, it's harmful, and I've tried my best to stop myself from looking at transphobic content. But, in a way, I keep coming back for no reason.

I just wanted a way to stop myself from thinking and accepting transphobic stuff within. Maybe you know a way to help me stop looking at transphobic content as a form of self harm?

Indeed it has come [email protected]

The canadians: profused sweating

This only applies if you use lemmy from the website. If you use mobile apps such as Jerboa, Liftoff, or Mlem, the way to unblock would be different.

Generally, it's in the settings, at least it is on Liftoff. I couldn't find it on Jerboa (maybe it isn't available yet?). I guess you can try from the website.

Unless it's 2020, then saying "It doesn't smell like anything here" is concerning...

Perchance. I can see this post from lemmy for now. But remember, any lemmy back-end updates could potentially break lemmy-kbin interoperability.