Grogon

joined 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

I had like 40 albums.

Each about 4 GB but I only have 5 GB on one drive for free.

So I uploaded an album then downloaded it to my computer and then I deleted the album on one drive after I had it on my pc downloaded. I deleted the album on one drive to free up space to upload my next album. And so on...

So now I have all albums on my pc but didn't notice I wasn't only deleting the albums on one drive, also on my phone lol.

 

TIFU by thinking I can just use one drive and upload the albums one by one and downloading them and then deleting them.

Well I actually kept doing it until I noticed the synch was not only deleting the one drive file it was also deleting my albums that were synched at the same time.

Now I have to recover 40 Albums because I didn't check what was going on while doing this whole thing.

Now I have to recover them all and while doing so I noticed it has wrong date/ time now.

Pro tip: You should synch your fotos with one drive, download the photos, UNSYNCH again and then delete.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I am not from USA but in my opinion it would be better to have money in emergency... but thats just my opinion.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I searched for life advice in 30s on youtube and all the videos recommended to me after I watched two videos were about "life changing experience" to "Things to do before turning 30" Videos and still recommended to me.

I think it is because people search for the current issue and suddenly you get tons and tons of relevant videos recommended and they don't go away.

It works the other way to though, if you suddenly start watching fitness videos suddenly all you do is watch fitness videos and believe me from there it ain't far to the protein, carb etc. videos and then it starts mixing up your previous searches "depression" with "fitness" and you landed by the wonderful Tate.

Which is why my video feed is screwed up in an interesting way and my brain doesn't know if it is fine or not. I have Starcraft Videos popping up next to Asmongold, ThatWasEpic, MarkManson and mixed in with random nonames how they got no friends and struggle in life and the next video is someone who tells me to go to the gym at 5 in the morning because thats what machines do.

I think these feeds can make people feel certain ways and if you are feeling bad you are most likely gonna watch something that is about feeling depressed.

 

I havent played since 3 seasons.

I have all Lilith Statues and the whole map uncovered. I didn't do any side quests, waypoints etc... is that bad?

And I have both done on softcore and hardcore and usually play hardcore but not sure about raids. Play softcore this time?

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

I totally understand wanting to escape, but psychedelics are kind of like a risky shortcut. The experiences they bring can actually be reached naturally, like through meditation or even lucid dreaming. With lucid dreaming, you can explore your subconscious and control your dreams—no substances needed. And if you’re curious, melatonin can help with lucid dreaming too. It regulates your sleep cycle and can enhance REM sleep, which is where vivid dreams happen. When you take it in the right amount, it can help you become more aware of your dreams, making it easier to control them. So instead of turning to psychedelics, which can mess with your brain, why not dive into things like meditation or lucid dreaming? They offer the same kind of mind-expanding experiences, but they’re safer and something you can actually train yourself to do.

Psychedelics are like throwing fireworks around your brain. It's a shortcut but keep in mind the people who write it is life changing experience the same amount of people can't write it because it was life ending. Maybe if you want the shortcut do it with supervisor.

I wouldn't recommend because it is a shortcut. You have to understand and feel though.

Go to Thailand (Koh Phangan for example) and speak with the teenagers and young adults who shroom the first time. They really can't see the big picture. Nobody can see the big picture because there is no bigger picture. We are just recieving a ton of input by hearing, seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling and creating images. It is not more and not less. Some people believe in a god or some other things to hold on to something during this ride but in the end it is all an illusion that will end somewhere from birth to death and no one knows when and after that it is over. No god, no respawn, no nothing, just like the state of prebirth. It is what it is. I am not judging if it is good or bad to believe but it gives motivation. I believe too, I believe that my energy will be released after death and I will be part of the universe again. I won't feel, I won't hear, I won't see, I won't smell and I won't taste - just like prebirth. But I am here. I say believe, because I do not know and I can't know.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Hm weird, I left religion and now I am labeled as "Konfessionslos". Dont pay anything to a church or anything that has to do with this fairytale story.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (4 children)

In my country we have "Konfessionslos" -> non-denominational.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Autumn really does have an intoxicating allure, doesn’t it? Those foggy mornings wrap everything in a thick blanket of mystery, where the world feels muted and hushed. As the sun sinks lower, the shadows stretch and twist, creating dark corners that seem to hold secrets—and maybe something more sinister.

When the nights grow longer, there’s an electric tension in the air, a feeling that something is lurking just out of sight. The leaves crunch beneath your feet, each step echoing like a heartbeat, while the lake lies still, a dark mirror that reflects not just the fading light, but the whispers of things that hide in the depths.

As the chill settles in, it’s easy to imagine figures moving just beyond your vision, lurking in the fog. The beauty of the season mingles with a creeping sense of unease, as if the very air is thick with stories waiting to unfold—tales of things that thrive in the dark, where the line between the living and the shadows blurs. Isn’t it fascinating how autumn invites that darker side to play?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Die Florida Version wäre ungefähr so:

In Florida war ein 28-jähriger Mann mit seinem Kinderwagen unterwegs, als eine 21-jährige Frau und ein 26-jähriger Mann ebenfalls mit ihren Kinderwagen zusteigen wollten. Ein Streit brach aus und eskalierte schnell zu einem handgreiflichen Gerangel, während ein Mitfahrer sein Krokodil in Sicherheit brachte!

Der Busfahrer wurde während des Chaos verhaftet, weil er heimlich Koks verkaufte. In der Zwischenzeit kümmerten sich zwei Schüler um die Hühner, die sie beim Gassigehen hatten. Am Ende gingen alle mit leichten Verletzungen davon....

Deutschland ist so langweilig.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

So I am basically vacuum cleaning my tip lol

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

I'm not from the US but everytime I read Florida and DeSantis I am ready for the content and I know it is going to be interesting.

I mean, Florida has people who race away from cops and hide cocaine up the nose. It's a wild state. People from my country really go on vacation to florida to experience this. Walmart is a highlight.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

It's the small things that start meaning a lot.

I work nightshift and last year I had nightshift from 22nd Dec to I think 28th Dec (7 nightshifts) I do it for the money and so I am off longer til 10th January.

I always wear my christmas sweater to work and before I go to my nightshifts I stop at the bakery. I am 30 and this lady, I assume around 26-28 commented on my sweat "Hey you look good!".

I am not searching for a girlfriend because I have a wife lol but this still somehow felt nice. My wife also comments on how good it looks etc. but when strangers comment on that it's still kind of different.

I grabbed my coffee2go, sat in my car, called my wife and told her a young lady hit on me but eventhough I am old asf (31 lol) and she laughed and wished me a good nightshift.

When my wife and I go on vacation to italy and a car that is still with you after 3 hours drives is also nice. The last time the car behind flashed his headlights 4-5 times before he left our highway and waved. I waved back. We never saw us again.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I think I should start cleaning for Snoop Doogg

6
submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

If I quit my job and start searching for jobs that provide service to rich people, do I get more money as "tips"?

Just a plain example: If you clean in a 3* Hotel rooms you might find people tiping you about 5-10$/€ or whatever currency the country you work in has.

If I instead now work in hotels for royals, do they tip like 1000$/€,... because its nothing to them anyways?

Both seems kind of weird to me. If I were to have 50+ Million € on my account and earn X million € a year, would I still tip only 5 € to people who clean my hotel room or would I tip 1000 €? I'd somehow feel like I'd just tip a 1000 € anyways if I'd have that much money. Like what would I care.

On the other side tipping a thousand € would be weird to, because if that would be the case wouldn't everyone just work for the rich?

I noticed it myself though, the more wealthy I got the more money I "gave" to people for services. I remember backpacking through Thailand about 15 years ago as a poor student. I was like looking for the cheapest tuktuk driver, even if it was only a dollar less than the other tuktuk driver offered. Now if I go to Thailand I just throw them 5 € in the pocket and move on with my day cause I don't feel like talking about how much a ride would cost they can use the money to buy a snack after it and I make them happy.

At the same time if everyone would do this wouldn't the Thais start working for tourism only and abandon other jobs?

This topic has kind of 2 questions. Because if you tip to much you kill other jobs at the same time. You can't go to lets say Tansania and tip the luggage carriers 10 $ per luggage because sooner or later all the rangers in national parks would quit the jobs and go carry luggage around cause of more money. You know what I mean?

But I still have a weird feeling abut this topic. I would find it disrespectful if I would tip 5 € to room service if I were Taylor Swift. Do they tip at all? Tell me they tip. And if yes, do they only tip 5 €? That has to be weird to them. Do they even have 5 $ banknotes in the pocket lol.

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

Hey. I might be judging this Situation wrong but I feel like my wife cant do anything alone and she never leaves the house and I have no time for me.

Sorry but my phone is making capitel Letters cause english isnt my main language and sorry for Bad english.

My wife and I are 31 and been together 12 years. I love her.

Since a few years I notice how all her friends moved away, she failed her exams and has nothing. So I understand her Situation.

I noticed she cant do anything alone or always wants me to join in even though we spent the whole day together already.

She cant just bake a cake. She always ask if I can help and Im like sure okay and in the end all I do is messure sugar, melt butter... its like a thing Id do alone to unwind.

She wants to go eat ice in town. I say no I dont wsnt to and she is like "okay" and goes watching TV. I wsnt to play computer but feel bad because she is bored, watches no shows... all she does is watch garden tv where they build St.pid Pools lol.

If I were her Id go without "me" and unwind. Heck, if she wants to stsy home I go drink coffee alone or with friend and just scroll reddit and watch ppl. She cant. She stays home and waits til im done playing. The thing is I could play forever. My friends all play starcraft and overwatch.

But if I do play I cant enjoy it cause I have a wife a room next to me being bored. I feel like I have to entertain her.

She has no hobbies, all her friends moved away, she has no job,... and if I were hin her Position Id still be fine cause I have so much to do. I can go swim, watch ppl, do nothing, play games, read, cook etc and all alone. Sometimes I enjoy if Im alone which is rare.

This weekend she visits her friends and is gone til tomorrow and its sad because now I feel so free. I can sleep in without feeling bad, i can game all night. This morning I was in the local Spa and just sat in whirlpool 3 hours alone. It was so good knowing I can do all that without having the feeling to entertain someone waiting for me.

I feel so bad. I feel bad for wishing to live alone again or maybe wishing shed be gone atleast once a week. If I coulf only have like 1 or 2 days I wouldnzt see anyone id be happy. I mean no one. Im really happy alone, I can Bing watch shows or podcasts and be happy. Take my phone or pc and Id just go to the local coffee store and sit for 4 hours.

Maybe Im the problem because I feel like I dont need anyone. I love her though and cant wait til she comes back tomorrow but those 2 days are so nice.

Another random examples of what I mean:

  1. She wants to cook and is hungry. Im not hungry and dont wanna cook. She eats cereal. If I were her Id still cook lol. Now I feel bad cause she is eating garbage cause I dont wanna cook and eat.

  2. She wants to visit her parents. Okay, fine but I stay home. She: Ill go lay down

Mh okay? Now I cant go to the local coffee Shop and drink coffee cause she is sleeping cause I dont want to go to her parents. Okay I could go to the coffee Shop but I now know she is either joining, which is fine, but rather would go to her parents. I feel bad again.

  1. Vacation. I ask where she wants to go this year, she says she doesnt care. I say mh ok... Thailand? She says "we were there last year" and Im like "yeah was nice" and now I know she doesnt want to go there but cant say a Different destination. Now Im stuck. I ask Malaysia. She says "maybe".

Wtf now I cant book a flight. I know she wants to go to Sri Lanka. Why cant she just say it???

 

I just need to get this off my chest because it’s been weighing on me. My daily routine feels like a never-ending loop of the same things, over and over again. Every day blends into the next with nothing exciting to break the cycle. I’ve tried to change things up, but even when I do, 90% of the time it still feels dull and uninspiring.

And it’s not like I haven’t tried. Over the last months and the past year, I’ve done a lot to shake things up: I got into rock climbing, went diving (though I have to travel further for that), tried arts, took different classes, learned a new language (Spanish), explored different coffee shops and bars. I’m doing so much, and yet, no matter what I try, everything just feels bland. The excitement fades fast, and I’m left feeling like I’m back at square one.

Honestly, I don’t need a doctor to tell me I’m depressed — I’m pretty sure I am, in some way. Even though it might not seem like it from what I’ve written, I genuinely love life. I just think it’s fair to say that I found more joy in life 10 years ago than I do now.

On top of that, the state of the world is messing with my head. The climate disaster is f*cking me up, too. It’s like this dark cloud that’s always looming in the back of my mind, with burning forests here, floods there, hurricanes here, and just constant environmental devastation. It’s a relentless reminder that things aren’t getting better. Technology isn’t helping either. I used to enjoy AI and new tech, but it’s gotten so overwhelming. Five years ago, I’d laugh at my mom for falling for fake calls or texts. Now I have to look for weird flaws in fingers, mouths, and eyes just to figure out if something is real or AI-generated.

And look at Flux — it’s just insane. The rapid advancement in AI tools like that makes it even harder to discern what’s real. It’s not just the fake calls and texts anymore; now we’re dealing with sophisticated AI that can generate incredibly realistic but entirely fabricated content. It feels like the line between reality and simulation is blurring more every day, and it’s exhausting to keep up with.

There are times when I honestly wish I wasn’t even born a human. Like, I’d rather be a bird or something else, just to escape this endless loop of dullness. And right now, I kind of wish I didn’t live here either. I know, when I go on vacation everything feels fine, and those moments are great. But I also know that the countries I visit aren’t some utopia either — they struggle too. It’s just easier to ignore when you’re only there for a little while.

And then there’s the feeling that everyone around me is so focused on themselves. It’s like people are caught up in their own lives, and I get it — life is hard for everyone. But it just adds to the isolation. No real connection, just people in their own bubbles.

Maybe I’ve just lost touch with what makes life exciting, or maybe I need something I haven’t figured out yet. But honestly, right now, life feels bland, and I’m not sure how to break out of it.

Anyone else ever feel like this? Or am I just going through the motions on my own?

 

Short summery of my experience:

  • Tip tip tip tip tip
  • Snorkel and dive Trips only 1 snorkel, eat fruit on Sandbank til next snorkel spot. All three stops are crowded asf.
  • Even trying to avoid tours you end up in a Tour Trip with same as above (snorkel eat snorkel and then back)
  • no beaches cause of low tide. High tide no visibility. You always require a friggin boat just to snorkel lol.
  • expensive tours
  • tiptiptiptiptip....
  • feel locked up. Almost all hotels huge walls, security, ... Not comparable to SEA where you get a bike and drive around looking for the next beach, breakfast, dinner etc. .

Feels like america or too many americans came here teaching a flawed tip mentality. Most Services werent even tip worthy.

I know ppl are struggling but thanks I can carry my own luggage and save me a dollar tip.

Never again, worst Island I have been to. Koh Phi Phi is a dream against this.

In general this was my first and last time africa. Sri Lanka, India, Malaysia, Indonesia etc so much better.

Maybe I did it wrong. This whole Trip felt like a scam, especially mnembe Island. 1000 boats chasing poor dolphins I told him to turn around. 200 Dollar down the drain and no other snorkeling available duo to tide. Heck not even diving after 2 lol

 

Man I dunno what is going on lately. Sure I searched for a few things on "purpose of life" and those kind of things which might be the reason I am getting these recommendations.

It's weird though that millions of people are struggling with the same things I am currently struggling with. I'm at a point inbetween I shouldn't be depressive. I shouldn't feel bad at all. My job is great, have a wife and now my house is almost "done". I don't have kids (yet). Life couldn't be better... but now there is this "but".

I have absolutely zero energy. Even if I love climbing and would like to start again, I rather just scroll through youtube or stare at a wall. I noticed that I personally have zero problems in my life but all the people around me have problems that I feel like those are my problems too.

Best friend of mine is alcoholic. Because of him I search so much shi.t about how to deal with alcohol problems. My wife somehow can't get shi.t done either. She failed her exams after 4 years studying and now is jobless but starting a new job next month. My brother is a leech. He doesn't care about my mom and our grandma but now that my mom is getting the "house" he is asking to help her with fixing it up etc... he just wants the house one day. That is going to be a huge fight in 20 years already. My coworkers keep crying about how stressful work is. I love my job and I have no stress because the tasks are easy and dunno all I do is drink coffee at work cause I am bored after 4 hours while my coworkers struggle to get done in 8 hours. My mom and uncle aren't talking with each other anymore - he was an a*shole the whole life towards her. I only know what I have seen and it was bad. I can't confirm her stories, but I assume they gotta be true from what I have already seen myself happen.

TLDR: So much drama around me that it is eating me up and if I wouldn't have contact with other people I would be so happy.

Really I think the best thing in life is try to avoid people and be on your own. They only cause drama. Imagine if I had just bought a van and drove up to sweden 10 years ago instead of buying a house I could just escape these people, even though I love all of them.

I feel so drained by the drama around me that I can't do what I love. I use to play video games 12 hours a day and not give a f. If my future me could have told me when I was 10 years old playing World of Warcraft was when I peaked in life I wouldn't have believed him. Okay that was kind of harsh, I achieved a lot and worked a lot for what I have now and I am proud of me but the people around me are lost and that makes me depressive.

I can't watch my brother be a leech, my mom and her brother fighting, my wife not being able to work in her "dream" field anymore duo to failed exams at the age of 30. She is literally starting from scratch with nothing at 30 years old. My alcoholic friend... man I feel sorry for all of those people.

I really know that I am lucky to be in my position. But I feel like I can't enjoy my "luck" or what I "achieved" because of everyone being so "bad" in life around me... it makes me feel sad I can't celebrate anything I achieve. It's frustrating going to work finishing a huge project and all my coworkers bitc.h around: "Great now we gotta repeat this til we retire.".... I can't get home from work and be happy cause my wife is rock bottom. I can't go to my mom cause she has problems. My alcoholic friend is a problem. I have no one to go to and be "happy".

I wish I had a few people in my life that have no problems and just enjoy life. That would actually be my wife if she didn't fail exams because she is the best person I know. I really wish she gets a better oppertunity.

My youtube feed is full of videos of being a better person, learning how to give 0 fcks, "mindset changing life" etc. The whole search feed is screwed and thinks I am a wrecked person eventhough I am just searching and googling for stuff about other people.

 

Okay this might sound weird but I work only nightshifts because I love the night and I do it since 4 years.

I wish I would have done it earlier cause I was never able to sleep at night before my morning shifts etc. and now I feel so good with this job. It's relaxing, it's a fun job and the best: I have no co workers in my shift I work alone.

For many this sounds like a nightmare but no management, only getting a 5 minute report from day shift is so nice.

Either way... I slept the first time in a fresh made bed after my nightshift for the very first time.

I usually make the bed fresh and my wife sleeps in it and then I get home to a yucky warm used bed. Some like it, I do too but nothing is better than laying down in a freshly made bed that smells so fresh and is cold.

My wife went to work and I took the time to take off all the bed sheets and made a new bed. At this point I might be crazy but I think I'm gonna change this task to "morning" task in the future. Why should I change the bed sheets but never be able to experience that fresh bed? If I only do it in the morning so I get to experience it would that be considered toxic? Would you guys care?

It's the little things in life I cherrish the most. A fresh unused bed is so underrated.

 

Hey.

I never lived in a city, not talking about the huge cities like London but average 50.000 to 150.000 people cities so I figured I'd ask people on here who actually lived in a city.

I grew up in a small town and now I built a home in a few miles away from where I grew up in another smaller town and everything would be cool if I wouldn't have "fomo".

My town has about 1000 people living and the next larger city has about 500.000 people (40 minute drive by car or 1 hour by train). And two other smaller cities with each about 75.000 people but only 25 minute drive by car.

Now that my wife and I have settled I can't get rid of fomo feeling.

I catch myself thinking "man if would have built in the city,..." but my wife is right. We can't afford property in a city and heck, even if we could afford it there is no property left to buy. And then when I visit the city to go shopping for clothes or just eat out I am always glad I can leave again.

But than I wake up the next day and would think it would be awesome to have a gym in the same block, a grocery store under my flat, a nice bar or coffee around the corner where I could socialize with others. But then my wife comes again with reality: "And it all costs money. You'd be broke two days after paycheck if you live in the city how you live in it while you visit it" and then she explains that life in the city isn't all that great and I ain't missing out because most people aren't more social in cities than in our town or small city next to our town.

I imagine city life kind of vibrant though. "Hey let's host a boardgame night" and 10 people showing up. But it might not be like how I imagine it? Is city life kind of overrated or am I missing out?

I go to the bigger city maybe once a month to go shopping for clothes I can't get here. Like for example the skater shop a few brands. A few friends and I also take the train every half a year to party a night out but take the train back home. There are many things I also don't like about the city, for example sometimes the smell, the homeless, the traffic, and I sometimes think I'd still need a car because of groceries, visiting family in the country side where I live now so I couldn't sell my car anyways. Now that I have "settled" I shouldn't be thinking about this anyways but there is always this feeling I am missing something. Maybe I should have lived in a city just for a year to experience it before building, but I never had the desire to. I was always happy leaving the city and I still am happy when I can leave after a whole day in the city but maybe I'd like it longer if I'd live in it?

This feels like a topic I am going to ignore til I am 85 and then add to a list of things I regret: "Never experienced city life when I was young".

The only thing that makes me feel good though is that all my friends that currently live in cities are searching for property out of the city and want to move back where we all grew up and all of them saying I didn't miss anything. My wife is also saying it, so I guess they might be kind of right. I am saying "kind of right" because this might be something that only one can judge for him/herself if city is good or bad. I feel like I have no opinion on this subject and this makes me crazy.

Edit: The only big city life experience I had was three months traveling through South East Asia where I stayed like a week in Bangkok and I remember many nights in Kao San Road partying. But that ain't anything one can do every day in the city especially if you work. That was like vacation city experience and I sure do know I was glad when I left Bangkok. The next city experience I had was Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) in Vietnam which was okay but I left it after day 3 feeling drained. The best experience I had was in Singapore. But I figure after reading all about Singapore that no city in my country could keep up with Singapore. I think I'd like living in Singapore more than in Bangkok or Saigon lol. But even Singapore was really busy...

 

I was trying to Lucid Dream a few years ago and forgot about this topic and the last days I have been trying to provoke it.

I also work nightshift only since a few years and quit using it because I never had issues sleeping after work but now I threw in 3 mg of Melatonin and what else can I say other than I had the most lucid dream ever in my life.

It felt so real. Normally I get scared after looking into the mirror of my bathroom because it was pitch black and had no reflection. Numbers never made sense either. So while I knew all that I ran to the bathroom and looked into the mirror knowing it won't show reflections and started laughing "It worked".

It's a funny subject to me because everytime I watched the youtube videos and read on the internet I was like "weirdos" and now I can't wait to go back to sleep tomorrow night.

I have a feeling though it was a one time experience. Especially if I don't use melatonin.

Anyone else have had lucid dreams? Perhaps someone doing it daily?

 

Hey guys, I moved away from home and I miss it every day.

Is anyone in the same position or had the same experience and what helped? Now that we bought the house and have a debt I can't easily get back to where I came from in the near future. Lucky enough though it's only a 8 minute drive (the town I use to live in is about 5 miles away from where I live now).

I think a big part of my thoughts circling is that I grew up in the other town and know all the people and in the town I now live in I barely know anyone... I can't explain they aren't unfriendly, infact most are welcoming and friendly, but have different interests than I do.

My old town had a nice lake that was a 5 minute walk. Now I can't even walk to the lake anymore and even by bike it is about 30 minutes away.

66
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 

I don't know where to post this but I just want to get this off my head so just ignore if not interested, kind of all feelings I just felt in a 10 minute time frame out in the wild:

As I walked home two hours ago I passed by a student party. The air was thick with a youthful energy that I recognized all too well—a buzz that seemed to capture both the excitement and uncertainty of those nights where anything felt possible. I know that at 31, I’m still young, but in a different way—a way that carries the weight of experience and the quiet wisdom that only comes from living through those wild, uncharted years.

From the speakers, the unmistakable opening chords of "Blink 182 - First Date" filled the night air. I stopped in my tracks, closed my eyes, and in an instant, I was 19 again. I was back at those hazy, crowded parties, standing nervously by the bar, a little tipsy, trying to work up the courage to talk to someone. Back then, life felt like a series of endless possibilities, each one as intoxicating as the drinks in our hands. I didn’t know where I was headed, and honestly, I didn’t care. The future was a distant thought, overshadowed by the thrill of the present moment.

Then, as if the universe was in on the nostalgia, "Sum 41 - In Too Deep" came on.

I stood there, lost in the music, feeling like I was 19 all over again, but this time with the knowledge and perspective that come with being 31. I remembered the sting of those awkward moments, the times I fumbled for the right words and ended up with nothing but a smile and a kind rejection. But I also remembered the highs—like that one night when, after what felt like an eternity of nervous anticipation, I finally had my first kiss, and it happened to this very song. That kiss, clumsy and sweet, would turn out to be with the woman who is now my wife. Back then, I never could have imagined that the girl I was so nervous to talk to would one day be the person I’d spend my life with.

What can I say? Those were truly unforgettable times. As the memories washed over me, I slowly continued on my way, but I couldn’t resist one last glance back at the party, my ears still tuned to the music. "The Offspring - The Kids Aren’t Alright" was playing now, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was almost as if time had stood still in that moment, even though everything else had changed.

But as I walked away, I also couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. In those years since, I’ve lost three of my closest friends—one to cancer, another in a car accident, and one to a pulmonary embolism. They were the friends who danced with me to these very songs, who shared in those wild, carefree nights. Their absence makes those memories even more precious, and bittersweet.

Yet, as much as I cherish those memories, I know those days are behind me. They belong to a chapter of my life that’s closed, but not forgotten—especially not when the love that began in those moments is still with me today, and the memories of those we lost continue to live on in my heart.

It's weird because I feel like I will never get the time back. The time between being 16 and about 22. I know I have a lot coming at me in my next years but I know that a lot of it isn't going to be what "was". It's going to be a different great but different ride. With that being said I am in for it but I also would like to experience the other ride one last time, but I can't. I slowl moved on and away from the music and the teens partying because let's be honest. 31 is young but not "22" young where you could just "join the party".

Festivals have also changed. Going to festivals at age 20 was bringing 1000 beer cans and cheap food. Atleast here in Germany. Now it is 75% a kindergarden and all are "normal" people at our camp ground. It's fun but not what it was like at 20. Now we have kids jumping around. Heck, we are going to Summer Breeze and we have an own fridge for baby food... Unthinkable 10 years ago because all the moms and dads at our camping spot were drunk party animals ten years ago. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad they aren't drunk party animals them being parents now. But this is what I mean with "different ride". We share the stories years ago but we won't relive them anytime soon.

A friend for example has "baby time" during Heaven Shall Burn this year. I don't have kids but if I do I know that "ride" is gonna be special because well having a baby brings responsibilities and it might be fun taking care of "your baby". But it's a different fun.

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