Mental Health

As of now, I just got kicked out of another Discord community just because I was "Too Depressing" for them. Namely, that I often questioned how to make friends, and how to tell when someone is being nice to me, and casually expressed that, I had bad times identifying social cues due to a combination of Autism and a mother that failed to teach me social skills growing up.

I knew, well, people that were mostly acquaintances looking back, for about 2 years. I was barely close to them at all, since even though they were all neurodivergent, that was the only thing I had in common with them.

Unlike them, I wasn't a fan of Genshin Impact (In fact I HATED the game, especially since it was the cause of another online friend abandoning me in the beginning of this year), I wasn't a loud person, I wasn't extroverted. In fact, looking back, it felt more like I was tolerated by them rather than warmly embraced by them. And also, they weren't exactly respecting of my Asexual orientation, the way that, they disregarded how uncomfortable I got whenever they liked to gush over characters and people they really liked and wanted to kiss. They always talked over me.

In fact, I never actually felt like I ever bonded with them, only tolerated them in turn, even after they would always talk over me whenever I wanted to talk in Voice Chat. In the past, they were seemingly okay with me expressing that I had problems with understanding what activities were like, such as the dating scene. But it seemed as though, my last straw for them, was asking why they want to kiss their friends on the lips, and me expressing that I couldn't accept affection easily, due to my parents ruining affection for me. Apparently, I can never tell when what I say affects people, due to my Autism. They apparently expected me to easily shut up and not let what goes in my head bother people.

Apparently, that was the last straw for them, so about 30 minutes ago, I got banned from that Discord Channel. So it seems that, to update my list, I must hide the following parts of myself: My Depression, my lack of common interests with anyone, my lack of art talent, my quietness and shyness and my Asexuality.

I am close to giving up on finding friends, and accepting my likely feeling fate of living a lonely adult life without any friends or without anyone to talk to. I can't find a single person that shares a love of Fairytales, 7 Days To Die and The Fallout Series, and who won't kick me out of their life just because I suffer from Clinical Depression, and I am unable to come up with Extrovert level Small talk.