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Imagine if your child finds out and you've lied to him 20 years. It might matter to him. I know if I found out that my parents weren't my biological parents and they didn't tell me that I would be devastated. Of course her Dad will always be her Dad, but that doesn't make it hurt less.
So.. should I also tell him his mum cheated on me and also ruin my marriage?
Yeah nah I'm good.
Dude, your cheating wife ruined the marriage, not you. I'm glad you're good with it though.
I'm a disabled veteran and rely on her to look after me. I'll be in a cardboard box on the side of a road without her or dead probably. Things aren't always as simple as they seem.
If my son finds out I'll just say it was a shock to me too.
It's a father's job to protect their kids, and though this probably means little from an internet stranger, I think you're doing a good job. Your son is lucky to have you. Revealing the truth does nothing for your son, and it doesn't change the past. Sometimes it's okay to let the past die.
Preach
You would be devastated, but that doesn't mean everyone would react the same as you would. Your wife will be a better judge of her father's temperament, and ultimately, it's her decision. It seems like you're very focused on convincing her that your way is the "right" way to go about this. I'd encourage you to step back and realize that both paths have potential for harming their relationship. This should be your wife's to handle.