this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2023
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Autism
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This is very relatable for me. I often find my internal voice shouting at my body to either do something or stop doing something, and my body just refuses to cooperate. And then of course I start to feel guilty/ashamed when it becomes clear that I should have done the thing.
Which makes it even harder to engage. Once the guilt and anxiety get bad enough, I frantically try to complete the task before seriously upsetting others. It's never ending cycle of anxiety, guilt, despair, and relief.
The cycle is horrid, especially when I know I'm stuck in it and doing... well, the same thing I've been doing the past two hours and now it's 10:44am and I... wait it's 12:16pm and I'm sti... fuck, where did the day go and why am I still in bed.
Ugh those disappearing days are the absolute worst. I hate when I spend an entire week looking forward to the weekend and then Saturday rolls around and I spend like 7 hours scrolling on my phone
Looking at myself now and it's two and a half hours since I woke up and I'm still doing the same.
Hey, this is your gentle nudge to maybe go do a thing. It's okay if you can't, but give it a try. I believe in you!
I opened the curtains and now sitting up a bit... on my laptop. Well, that's progress I guess! I can at least study (not that I am yet).
You should try taking a shower if you haven't yet! I find the sensory experience can ease context switching.
That worked, thanks. :)
Glad I could help. We all need a little push from time to time.
That requires getting up... yeah, good idea.