Asklemmy

The bigoted version of me from 10 years ago would be shocked to know he is queer and a socialist.

Edit: he would probably also be shocked about the autism

I have much less wonder now, and it is ruining my day to day enjoyment at times. It is hard to dream big when you know more about the world, and how corrupt it all can be. They call it depression, but when reasons are provided for lack of opportunities it's seen as downright shameful to be upset about it.

I miss the times when I was more naive about the world, it made it all interesting.

Early 40s with 2 active kids under 9. Nothing works any more, constantly exhausted. 20 year old me had no idea.

In my 20s I got really optimistic about aging. See I was unschooled and never really had any life outside my home life, which wasn't great. Didn't get a high school diploma and starting my first job felt impossible.

Soon I made a group of friends, I discovered art, and I felt like I was capable of learning and growing and having a fulfilling life. I actually looked forward to being 30 because I thought I'd have matured a lot and learned how to live.

30 now. My friends were toxic. I lost my passion for art. I can't find any work outside of retail and I can't get an education because I'm so busy making ends meet. I feel like I've regressed into the worst version of my shut-in child self. I work and I get what sleep I can and I have no relationships.

I really hope this is part of the process.

Are you radically different than your younger self?

Oh yes. Younger me was an intolerable little shit.

Are there key elements that have stayed the same? > Most parts?

Lots of stuff. Getting older is mostly additive, hobby wise. I'm just worse at all the physical aspects of each hobby.

Do you feel as if you've followed the "roadmap of life" or forged your own path?

I had a pretty clear plan and stuck to it. Make the pretty beep beep computer box dance, and charge people money for doing so.

Have there been "chapters" or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow?

Definitely separate chapters. 0-2: Literally full of shit. 2-22: Full of shit, because I didn't know any better. 22-32: Full of shit, but working on improving. 32-42: Getting my shit together. 42-62: Still full of shit, after all that effort. 62-Dead: Probably still full of shit, honestly. Hopefully in a fun way, by now.

As I've watched the continued and utter destruction of our natural habitat, the increased pollution and started reading up on climate changes effects and Limits to Growth I realised I didn't want to be part of what was happenig and wanted to distance myself as much as possible from the people who were. Being surrounded by people and things that make you sick in the mind and body is not what I wanted. It did take a near death experience to catalyse the thoughts into actions though.

I had a change of life about 25 years ago, am now 57. I quit my job, my wife at the time didn't want to take that journey with me, so got divorced. Now have a parter who does, live frugally (which I always mostly have, just back then I had lots of surplus income I invested, now only a little surplus income from said investments) and am debt free in a little cottage in a small town. A few missteps along the way, as I am not the all seeing eye.

Looking back my regret was not doing it sooner, never been brave I guess ?

Interesting segue, my next door neighbour is a recently retired crane operator who installed windfarms with mega cranes and before that was a lawyer and before that emigrated from another country.

Early 40's and often get mistaken for early 30's. I think I'm doing pretty okay on the aging front. Having a daily skin care regimen from a young age works wonders.

The hair's starting to gray though, so we'll see how long it lasts.

Most tastes and values stay the same. I feel less emotional intensity and motivation for everything though, for better or worse.

Mentally, learning is harder, thinking is slower.

Physically I will get sore more and more easily if I don't stretch and exercise, but by the same token I am in a better state of fitness than ten years ago.

Am I radically different than my younger self? Hmm, I've become truer to my younger self than I ever was in my early-mid twenties.

I grew my hair back out when it started thinning because I had it grown out when I was a teenager. I only ever cut it short to please others. I figured If I was gonna go bald, I'd enjoy what's left while I had it.

My politics moved left from the neoliberal views I used to hold once I realized how entrenched financial interests were responsible for almost every longterm societal problem. I figure If I become A full blown tankie by the time I'm 72, I will have done something right.

I have always been a staunch atheist but I have recently discovered the peace associated with spirituality like that proposed by Sam Harris. Philosophy has become much more important to me in general. I've always wanted to volunteer in my community and now I do

I realized that sometimes life won't let you follow the road map no matter how badly you want it. -All I can do is try not to stress too much over it. I'm In the latter half of my 30s now.

At the end of my 20s I can feel that I’m becoming stupider. Reading texts or just thinking about a problem take more effort than they used to.

I'm only 24 yet can see by now where the crochetiness comes from.

Age of empires

I feel like I've been hit by a couple of SUV's and only barely able to claim to be in my 30's. A few years ago I had an xray done and was in a room waiting for a doctor. This random guy walked in and asked my name, age, and if I had just had my scapula xrayed. He said He had to double check that nothing had been mixed up because my bones looked like someone in their 80's... Maybe avoid actually getting hit by those SUV's. My folks are in their mid to upper sixties, but I'm still the slower crochety one, unless I'm on a bike. For all you mid to old farts, there is a reason so many of us are on bikes. It may seem impossible, hell, I can barely sit up or walk, but it is amazing how bad of shape a person can be in and still ride a bike when it is properly setup and fit to the person. Without riding I fall apart both physically and mentally.

In other news, I expected the logarithm of day length verses lifespan to level out so that days seemed like a stable unit of mental measure, but the slowdown never happened and a day is an impossibly short amount of time.

A fun-tastic little shit blow-up I had two seconds ago at a certain pizza human (*On here, not at some freakin' service worker) showed me that even though I age I am still the same little shit throwing monkey. There's a super indulgent breakup song called Keep Your Name where the singer points out that his ex was changing and he's always just felt the same. To be honest, no matter what I've been through I always just seem to be the same. Same! Me - I don't know if that means I have just an absolutely solid sense of self, I am a wretched asshole, or there's just all types in this world. And yes, I understand that people change no matter what. That's life, you will change as you grow. Things will be added, things will be taken, and some stuff transforms. But I have a habit of writing out lists of things that I want and the overarching themes and idealisms have always been the same. Even my diet, while shifting here and there - always seems to be based off the same set wants (I am a chronic veggie lover, it's really a problem). I have always found this very funny as a whole, because I cannot stay static as a person. Not sure if you're heard (or figured it out) but I am ADHD as fuck. And even medicated, I crave that sweet, sweet chaos of change. Yet I seem to be me -> being me -> being me -> being me. It boggles my mind. Shrugs?

Honestly, I'm now excellent at what I do and have confidence in that but, as I wander through my upper thirties, I'm not really feeling much different than my mid twenties.

When I was young, I was angry all the time. Now I'm a lot more chill. It took me a long time to internalise the idea that losing my temper always made things worse instead of better but I'm glad I did.

My knees and lower back remind me that I've aged.

So far, mid 20s and over the last few years I feel it's ever so slightly harder for me to be on my knees. That, and I naturally lean a lot more into one foot when standing at the sink doing dishes, so I find I gotta sit after doing dishes to rest whichever foot was being leaned on because I usually take a long time doing them.