Microblog Memes

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles these days. They'd take one look at the script and go

You couldn't make Deadpool & Wolverine today because it just came out and people would not be ready for a reboot this early.

I wanna see a modern Zombie movie with how people would actually react to news of a zombie outbreak given how people behaved during the pandemic

You couldn't make Gone With the Wind today because everyone in it has died

Any movie where 1 cell phone would resolve the situation. A lot of serial camper killers would get shut down pretty fast.

You couldn't make half of Seinfeld because with cell phone all the funny situations don't occur.

You couldn't make Back to the Future II today because a positive outlook on the future is no longer believable even for a family film.

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today because Westerns aren't nearly as popular as they once were, and so it'll be harder for jokes to land

They couldn’t make Mrs Doubtfire in this day & age - no one would believe Pierce Brosnan and Sally Field make enough money to afford a live-in nanny.

Also, they couldn’t make Mrs. Doubtfire 2. Full stop. There will never be a sequel to that magnificent gem.

Idiocracy

You would get sued by FOX 'News' for copying their daily programming.

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles today, most of the cast is dead.

You wouldn't make "Back To The Future" now because it wouldn't be the future...

You couldn't make Titanic today because it wouldn't be believable... Leonardo Decaprio dating a woman his own age? Preposterous!

Most films that require some degree of miscommunication couldn't work because cellphones are ubiquitous.

Additionally a lot of old sci-fi films based on a hypothesis that later turned out to be pseudoscience are here as well.

You couldn't make Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone now because you're not Warner Brothers and don't own the copyright.

Daybreakers.

First, it's a mid-budget movie, and Hollywood doesn't make much of those nowadays.

Secondly, it commits to a wild premise: vampires become the dominant life form in the world. It's fun, but the actors play it straight. If the tried to do that now, it'd be full of quips and winking at the audience rather than committing to the bit.

I mean, you could totally make Home Alone II today as long as you set it pre-9/11, so I take this to mean "these movies that were set in the 'present day' could not be redone and set in the 'present day' of 2024."

You couldn't make Back to the Future because 21st century streets are no place for minors on skateboards.

You couldn't make American Beauty for a LOT of reasons (including prevalence of digital video, marijuana legalization, increased public awareness/concern about pedophilia, etc)

You couldn't make Clueless because shopping malls are dead (or at least nowhere near as cool as they used to be)

You couldn't make Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream because heroin and cocaine are quaint drugs by 2020s standards

You couldn't make Paris is Burning because Harlem gentrified big time (I know this is a documentary but still)

You couldn't make The Matrix because no one would believe human batteries would be happy and content living in a simulation of 2024 (also no telephone booths)

I almost said The Truman Show because we basically live in that world already but fuck it, I wanna see a 2024 version where the producers have to keep desperately introducing crazier plot developments to try and compete for a TikTok-addicted audience unamused by "just another reality TV show", and constant set issues like cast members getting fired right and left for sneaking smartphones onto set.

You cannot make the Minecraft movie nowadays.... you simply cannot, Warner Bros.

Dumb and Dumber. There's definitely an air tag in that luggage now.

Go. They could just call each other.

The Shining. That hotel is just automated now and doesn't need a caretaker.

Catch Me If You Can. All that airline shenanigans could not happen post 9/11.

The Truman Show. No reality TV would put someone that earnest on as the center of the show.

Misery. Phones, GPS, the whole lot. He'd be much more trackable.

Network. No news network is giving their anchor that much monologue screen time without cutting to the next segment.

So I married an axe murderer. It's just way easier to get full details on people now.

Was gonna say Toy Story but it looks like toys vs screens is literally the plot of the next one.

You couldn't make 2001: A Space Odyssey today because...

You couldn’t make Jaws today because the ubiquity of cheap drones means the shark would be tracked continuously until it left Amity Island.

Hackers: because no one rollerblades anymore.

Tasmanian tigers were basically hunted to extinction.

Nah nah... You couldn't make Home Alone 2 today because if you were going to remake a series it would make more sense to start with Home Alone 1.

Dude, Where's My Car? Ashton Kutcher pulls out his key fob and presses the button, the car beeps and they find it immediately.