this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2023
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Not The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 175 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What the hell is this perfect picture?

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[–] [email protected] 157 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wtf how is the onion supposed to keep up with this shit

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 year ago (2 children)

By waiting until people are used to their shit and posting completely normal stories about them. No one would believe them.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Republican has a change of heart when their 12 year old daughter gets pregnant, now supports abortion. "

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)

No, I think that one's fairly common. So is just "Republican gets pregnant, now supports abortion - but only for her specific circumstances".

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[–] [email protected] 116 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Okay, that's a red flag. Someone check his hard drive.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate.

"Myself, on the other hand? Petabytes of CSAM."

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

"My son knows how to use a VPN"

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

I think his son checks it often.

...Wait, were you intending innuendo or not?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

50,000 files of drag queens and transgender porn show up

[–] [email protected] 106 points 1 year ago (3 children)

god these people are fucking weird. so fucking weird.

[–] [email protected] 76 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

This is what happens when you're brainwashed from childhood to believe you're born evil, anyone not on your "team" is more evil, and you must blindly obey authority.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Organized religion destroys who we are or who we can be by inhibiting our actions and decisions out of fear of an intangible parent-figure who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says "No, no!"

--Kevin Smith, Dogma

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

You spelled weird wrong.
It's spelled, *psycho.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I remember this kind of stuff back from my days as an evangelical Christian...they applaud this kind of nonsense, even though every single one of the users of this kind of software has some way around it. Purity culture craziness.

[–] [email protected] 90 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

he installed “accountability software” called Covenant Eyes on his devices in order to abstain from internet porn

Covenant Eyes sounds like some Handmaid's Tale shit.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (5 children)

Hey, I have a local cult that uses that software.

https://www.dwellchurchcolumbusisacult.com/

They also like to pack a bunch of students into one apartment and then charge each of them $700*/month in rent.

*(Don't take my word on the numbers.)

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

I swear, every week I see an article that makes me say, "oh shit, The Handmaid's Tale is starting"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Next step up from using confession material for blackmailing parishioners

[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 year ago (7 children)

I get that lots of jokes are to be made about the porn part but what really should be concerning everyone is that the current Speaker of the House pays a third party to snoop on every aspect of his phone.

Was he using his personal phone for any of his duties in Congress?

Is he still using this phone with even more potentially secret government information as amber of the Gang of 8?

This is a MASSIVE security risk, who the fuck knows what information this Covenant Eyes “company” is now privy to.

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Is porn intake measured in sieverts or mW/cm² or what?

What level is considered safe?

Asking for a friend.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Npps aka Naked People Per Second

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Pretty sure it's millipervs.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Same software the Duggar pedo used?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago

abuse software for abusers

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 year ago

So what you're telling me is, that Johnson and his little Johnson measure the usage of each other's Johnsons?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ok, how many burner phones does he have?

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 year ago

Dude, I'm willing to bet the son has at least one.

"I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate."

A quote like this tempts fate. I thought he was trying to avoid temptation.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago

There is no normal, only weird and weirder. Beware the normies, for they are least normal of us all.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (14 children)

As a parent, thats just some shit you don't wanna know. Like idgaf if its furry or scat shit keep it to yourself, kid.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Mike Johnson is a walking argument for voting against 70+ year-old geriatrics who can't string together coherent sentences.

All it takes is one exceedingly unlucky accident and that motherfucker becomes president.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Isn't this the kind of thing TOR and a private browsing session was made for? Additionally this is just bizarre.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Maybe it's a way to make sure they don't forget. Like "oh hey bro i saw u had some lewds in ur history make sure u go incognito next time" "Damn u right man good lookin out" fist bump

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Its really creepy and intrusive. But at the same time, I can find really fucked up porn with literally zero effort.

I mean, if your kid has terrabytes of rough incest bdsm porn people will ask why you werent monitoring their internet use, but monitoring them like this feels like a different kind of weird.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Shit, if your kid has terabytes of train videos you need to intervene. Terabytes of any specific thing and... son we need to talk

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Thats what I mean, how do you know unless you're either using this shit or searching the HDD. I was a kid back when porn was Jpgs traded on floppy disks or grainy 480x320 10 second realplayer clips.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

He's taking about his kid monitoring him as well.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Nothing creepy about that

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It must be that software that you install that lets your "accountability buddy" check your browsing activity.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It literally says that in the article.

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