this post was submitted on 19 Mar 2024
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The Onion

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The Onion

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[–] [email protected] 121 points 7 months ago (4 children)

I'd watch the ever loving fuck out of this.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 7 months ago (3 children)

It's a 2-hour long dialogue between Bond (played by Wallace Shawn) and a villainous billionaire media mogul Fryston Gallibre (played by Peter Capaldi) who is trying to collapse western democracy through ever more bland homogenized remakes of beloved franchises.

In the end, Fryston realizes that Bond has never seen any of these movies or shows and isn't really a fanboy of anything so he is immune to this assault on culture. Bond actually leaves confused and when trying to explain the whole thing back at the office he stops mid-sentence and asks the widowed Mrs. Money Penny (Judi Dench) If she'd like to go see a movie together, "apparently they're quite popular!"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago

My Dinner with Bond.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Can’t wait for those action figures.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Buddy.you dream too much... Keep at it!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago

I was gonna say same. Give him all kinds of crazy gadgets but make him super serious.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago

“But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the martini in front of me.”

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[–] [email protected] 109 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (7 children)

You know this is an Onion article because the real frontrunner for the role of James Bond is going to be, like every other role, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You know at first I thought this account was a joke, but it's been months and it's still going on. Honestly I'm convinced

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

it's really her !

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

See, I was gonna say Chris Pratt. He seems to be everywhere recently...

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

It's-a Bond. James-a Bond.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

Seriously though, there's a potentially great reboot opportunity there..

It would have to be very intelligently written to avoid the "reboot with women protagonist" clichés/pitfalls, the fact that 007 is a woman would have to strike just the right tone.. misogyny would probably need to be faced with a good dose of "ok boomer" smirking, it would absolutely have to pass the Bechdel test..

But yea, that would be the first James Bond I'd go see in 2 decades, esteemed Academy Award nominated character actress Margot Robbie.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Lose the Pratt and I’m in

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[–] [email protected] 91 points 7 months ago

You Fell Victim to One of the Classic Blunders

[–] [email protected] 70 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

No, it's INCONTHEEVABLE! Get it right!

[–] [email protected] 30 points 7 months ago

Rule of Acquisition 300: If you've got it, flaunt it.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 7 months ago

Inconceivable!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (1 children)

After seeing his performance in My Dinner with Andre (1981), casting director Janet Hirshenson was so fond of his delivery of the word "inconceivable" that she cast him as Vizzini in The Princess Bride (1987).

dude got the job because of that line. no wonder its iconic

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I do not think that word means what you think it means.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago

inconceivable!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 7 months ago (5 children)

I've been looking at too many Trek memes, because my mind immediately pictured the wrong Q character.

But also yes.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Who says they aren't the same character?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

I thought the same, but he would actually be great in both roles

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

Oh, and we could have an X-men crossover with Danny DiVito as Wolverine.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago

Yes please!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago

He's got my vote.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I would so watch a good parody bond film but Hollywood would never make this.

A creative casting for a roll of a traditionally beautiful person.

Do you know how many watch ads and car commercials they would miss out on.

No, the next bond will be filmed like the latest marvel garbage. So evenly lit that you’d think it was a commercial with how clean it looks.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 7 months ago (6 children)

a good parody bond film

Hey, at least we have Austin Powers!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Oh gosh. Freaking classics.

Imagine if they made those today. Like not another remake or sequel but like actually made them nowadays. Or Wayne’s World?

I just don’t see it happening without it falling completely flat due to executives being tone deaf shills.

That whole part about mocking the paid ads would just be a paid advertising segment.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Austin Powers was such a successful parody it's the REASON they rebooted the Bondiverse with Daniel Craig as a more grounded Bond, and IMO .

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I would so watch a good parody bond film but Hollywood would never make this.

You mean like Get Smart, or Johnny English, or Top Secret, or the David Niven Casino Royale, or Spy, or Spy Hard, or The Man Who Knew Too Little, or True Lies, or Leonard Part 6, or I Spy, or Spies Like Us, or Spy Dad, or The Spy Next Door, or The Spy Who Dumped Me, or The Brothers Grimsby, or S*P*Y*S, or Code Name: The Cleaner, or Austin Powers?

Hollywood fucking loves making parody James Bond films, and some of them are occasionally good.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Yeah they sure like to beat dead horses.

Austin Power, Johnny English and Get Smart would fall under good enough to watch.

The rest is studio executives wanting some of that cake.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Ok but can he play Bond AND Batman? If not I’d rather he take Batman because the franchise needs to finally be perfected.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I dunno what happens to actors when they play James Bond, but they tend to physically fall apart afterwards. Daniel Craig somehow looks like he's 80 now

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