this post was submitted on 14 May 2024
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[–] [email protected] 88 points 5 months ago (3 children)

I'd pick wolf. They generally leave you alone and don't want anything to do with you. I don't know shit about gorillas

[–] [email protected] 41 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Gorillas will tear off your face and testicles AFAIK. Just imagine the depraved shit a human would do to you assuming they could get away with it without repercussion.

They wouldn't hesitate to fuck you up.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 5 months ago

Gorillas are WAY more chill than chimpanzees. Just dint make eye contact and be respectful to the gorilla and it will leave you alone. They know that they are capable of fucking you up, and they know you know.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 months ago

Especially since it's a single wolf. I don't think I'd choose a pack over the others.

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[–] [email protected] 76 points 5 months ago (6 children)

I choose the wolf. I already have 2 inside me, they'll just see me as another member of the pack.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

sounds kinda gay ngl

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 54 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Does this forest get smaller over the course of the night like a hunger games arena?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)

We should do the opposite of Noah's arc where we put 2 of every animal, including humans, in the Houston Astrodome and have them fight to the death until one emerges.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

He didnt say forest. He said Forrest, as in Gump. Maybe Forrest gets smaller as he gets old.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 5 months ago (5 children)

Gorilla? I feel like being super submissive and not making eye contact would probably keep it from tearing off my arms to use as drumsticks? I'm not a gorilla expert though, so anyone who knows more can feel free to tell me. Although I guess with a wolf, you could just climb a tree and be ok, depending on how long you have to stay. Either, I guess. I'm pretty convinced that I'll die trying to pet a wild animal when the moron part of my brain tells me it's friend-shaped, anyway, so whatever.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Wolf. Wolves are naturally shy of humans, and while gorillas are also, gorillas are also much bigger and stronger. If one decides it's mad at you it will pull your limbs off. Or worse. A wolf will try to rip you apart and tear your throat out if it's mad at you, but since it's in a different weight class you might actually stand a chance if you curl up in the fetal position or whack it in the face with a rock.

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Wolf attacks on humans are rare but common enough to have their own Wikipedia page, but there's no record of wild gorillas killing anyone.

Which means they're either super chill, or really fucking sneaky about it.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

IIRC gorillas are indeed pretty chill if you respect their territorial instincts, as opposed to, say, a chimp that might try to kill you more or less on a whim

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Wolves are also a lot more common, though.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I'm going Wolf personally. I might have a chance with a wolf, gorillas are stupid strong. No thanks.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (3 children)

A single wolf is just a big dog. A gorilla can pick you up and tear you in half.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago (4 children)

Wolf def the safest option. Most likely to leave you alone.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

We tamed them once, we can do it again!

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago

Really missed the opportunity to have the top bracket be "Lions" and "Tigers"

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago

RIP Harambe. 😭

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 months ago

Wolf for sure, you can bribe a wolf a lot easier than a gorilla, you move in a way that gorilla doesn't like and you dead.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

A gorilla with a wolf tied to it's back, riding a bear.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Isn't that that survivalist dude that drinks piss? Bear Grilf?

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago

Well Todd, it looks like Wolf might be the clear winner in today's matchup but what I think spectators are really want to know is how the next round will fare.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago

HELL YEAH BRÖTHER! WOLVES WILL RESPECT YOUR PERSONAL SPACE AS LONG AS YOU RESPECT THEIRS! THEY COULD ALSO RAISE YOUR YOUNG 'UNS TO FORM ONE OF THE MOST HISTORICALLY AND CULTURALLY RELEVANT CITIES/EMPIRES IN HISTORY! AROOOOOOOOOOO(ME)

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago (2 children)

The other side of the bracket is all the cuddly ones.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Forrest like Gump or Forrest like Nathan Bedford?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Even though it's the most prolific killer of the animal kingdom, the winner of the competition turned out to be the mosquito.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

Definitely wolf. If I get trapped with a gorilla and some shots it to save me, humanity get will get so much negative karma on top of what we are still paying from 2016 and I won't be able to live with the guilt.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Wolf. Not only do I think my chances are better, I'd also feel less bad about trying to fuck up a wolf if I had to

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Considering there's basically no chance of fucking up the gorilla, I don't think you'd have to worry about the ethics of the situation.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (16 children)

I picked man over bear because man probably won't eat you. But if gorilla is a choice, that wins. Gorilla is friend as long as you keep your head low and he knows he's the boss. Also don't suprise him.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (7 children)

because man probably won't eat you.

that's why I dumped my last boyfriend

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Run, Forrest, run!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

The Tarzan kid part of me wants to say gorilla but the dog person in me would definitely choose the wolf. That's a tough one.

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