skymtf

I think part of my hopelessness is that I am realizing hrt has not done anything to my face, I figured this out since I am still pretty recognizable. the only thing hrt has done for me is give me boobs, which usually results in hey dead name, you should loose some weight when i am recognized in public. I just feel hopeless and I want this nightmare to end.

started HRT in January of 2022, is it safe to say all major changes are done, and I'll always kinda look ugly and there is nothing HRT can do.

Also sorry I made a similar post where I had the years wrong I think.

https://imgur.com/a/6JkRV6X

I've been on HRT for 3 years, and I really have lost all hope that I will ever look like a girl or be gendered correctly or even just be treated with dignity. I'm really ugly and honestly I can tell, people lie and say well it's your personality that matters. It's really not that hard to see, and I am wondering if there is a point to spending 120 dollars a month, just for peace of mind.

Today I was scrolling social media and saw a trans gal who used to weigh 280 but now weighs 175 it reminds me that I'm 200 and raising (I don't have a scale currently) my HRT hasn't been working properly so I know that fat is going to masculine areas. Every time I inject I'm reminded what I'm doing is useless and my body will just raise my T or whatever the hell it's doing. I likely am just resistant to estrogen but I'll never know since I can't afford an endocrine doctor (maybe I should be on hrt if I can't afford that I don't whatever the fuck liberals (non leftist) say) I don't really have a community anymore, I'm set to have to move back to my hometown and I have nothing there. I just feel like my life never was worth living to start with but I feel like I've just lost interest in waiting and trying. 2 years ago I started HRT and my E levels are so off and on, it's never consistently working. I just feel like there isn't really any reason I want to be alive.

I'm so ugly and It keeps getting worse since I binge eat, I just fucking hate myself. I keep eating and I know it's actively making me look more masculine. And feel worse.

I feel like everyone eventually gets annoyed with me, and I just always end up alone. I loose all my friends, and Ive never really had a healthy loving partnership. I just feel hopeless

I keep injecting into the wrong spot. Usually how I know is it feels harder to push the plunger down on the syringe. And I bleed a little upon removal. How I find the spot is I feel different spots on my leg to see if it flexs, I find the spot and mark it. Disinfect it and inject. Usually turns out fine but these past two times I've been bleeding and harder to press down the syringe (as stated) and I don't know what to do.

https://imgur.com/a/gd8lhZo

The first photo is what I think is closest to how people realistically see me as. I just feel like socially transitioning was a mistake, and maybe hrt can't help me. Keep in mind at the point that photo was taken I was a year and many months in.

I live in the south so I am a bit nervous to ask for makeup help at a store here in boymode, but I do need to pick my shades correctly. Is there any phone apps to help with this?

I am currently working on a small project, and I am working on getting it functional, but I question when exactly should I make commits. I usually just do it when I am done with working on it, but I know in practical projects often times commits are for one specific thing but given the project does not even work yet what exactly do I do.

I have been dealing with stuttering apps whenever the app is built using flutter, I can't really explain this given no one else seems to have this issue. Is it that the pixel 6 is weak sauce, graphineOS or something else?