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Sorry for the potentially controversial question: is it normal for less attractive people to settle down with partners they don't find physically attractive? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

I can only speak for myself and my observations, but I don't think it's normal. It happens, but it's uncommon. I think it's more normal for people to have similarly attractive partners. Some people are cuter than others even at the same "level."

Most of my girlfriends have been about the same level of attractiveness. I think I'm probably a 5 or 6 out of 10. If I lost weight and cleaned up I'd probably get to a 7, but that wouldn't change my attraction to my wife. Maybe at that point it would look like I "settled"?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

This happens on a timeline tho. They may have been variably attractive when they got together and just aged and there's more incentive for either to maintain the status quo than cut each other loose

Also eye of the beholder. Nobody is inherently attractive, they just sometimes have more qualities embodied by the culture/society/species/individuals' conventions of beauty and attractiveness

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I think that assumes that a person's attractiveness to a passive observer is equivalent to their attractiveness to their long-term partner. Someone who loves you probably thinks it's cute when your hair is messy, for example.

If you fall out of love, yeah, maybe leave your boyfriend. But if you still love him despite his beer gut and bald patch, maybe that's not a bad thing? Also, all relationships happen on a timeline, lol.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Yeah - husband thinks I am, in his words, "smoking hot" but I think he sees with the eyes of love, not a normal critical eye. I'm confident enough to move around in the world without worrying about looks but no way near "smoking hot", lol.