this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2023
559 points (97.1% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
26670 readers
3164 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
That was made that way for the joke. How would you even begin fucking a flat bar of soap? Even pre-drilled, it would wear out too fast to be any fun.
Don't use conditioner guys!!!
For the 4th time (I'm an idiot) I got serious dick issues. Don't know if it dries the skin out or what, but the end gets hypersensitive, turns dark red, skin turns black and peels off, hurts like hell, and then you get nice, new pink skin. It's painful and revolting and takes about a week for the whole process.
Thought was just me until I saw a reddit post a few months back. LOTS of dudes experiencing the same exact thing.
Don't use conditioner guys!!!
Would you mind choosing a verb other than "use" so I know what in God's name I shouldn't be doing with conditioner?
If the context didn't provide, I meant jacking off. Paddling the pink canoe. Abusing the wicked stick. Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger. Shaking hands with the milkman. Boxing the one-eyed champ. Taking the self-guided tour.
Seeing to yourself? Tossing your salad? Clearing the pipes? Sopping your tissues? Summoning Spiderman? Switching to manual? Burping the serpent? Don't know it.
"Switching to manual". I'm stealing that. You can't stop me.
"Switch SCE to AUX". You can steal that one!
What in the bed bath and beyond is this shit
Are you sure that's conditioner and not bleach?
This is disturbingly specific 😰
Want a pic? It's at the blackened and peeling stage. Shower water hit it tonight and I yelped. Brand new skin in just a few more days!
How many times have you repeated this process? Why was one flayed dick not enough?
Even if you accidentally use conditioner instead of lube, there's no way it will make the skin of your dick turn black and fall off. It'll irritate your skin sure, but that won't happen.
One of two things must actually actually be happening...
You're using the conditioner lube to fuck something like sandpaper or a sex toy that is literally set on fire
You've confused conditioner with something like lye or hydrochloric acid
For the love of Christ, get your shit checked out
This is the kind of wholesome informative content I come to Lemmy for. Thank you for your service, sir!
Actually, wait, I have a question. How did your ball-hair feel aftwards? Did it help with testicular split ends?
Ball hair is mostly nonexistent. But here come more conditioner tips!
Decided to get nice and clean for my ex-wife. Showered and used a little conditioner on the meat puppet. She stuck it in her mouth and made a face. "Tastes like shampoo!"
That woman could pop the balloon on the sexiest of times. Ever had a lover so tacky as to complain, in the moment?! Not like, "Move a little.", or "Ouch, not like that." More like... Know what? Not gonna relive that foul woman.