Ask Lemmy

If someone left their partner to be with you, they're capable of leaving you to be with someone new.

The best time to start regularly exercising and eating at least moderately healthy food is 10 years ago, the second best time is now.

If you see a toilet in your dreams, don't use it!

From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone's future behavior is their past behavior.

Just go to the fucking dentist.

If you're going to "chase your dreams," it might be a good idea to first figure out whether they actually really are yours.

Put your money where you spend your time. Don't spend money on something if you won't be using it.

You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress. Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don't limp back to your car from pain. Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.

The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.

Red flags in relationships are serious business and don't go away. I wish desperately I never got married, and when someone goes to the point of deliberately running over a squirrel to upset you, you've really hooked up with a sociopath. If your gut says go, go before you tie your finances to that of a crazy person.

If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect” you’re probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. That’s a disservice to everyone involved.

It's really easy to have an alcohol problem without realizing you have an alcohol problem. This is especially true in people with certain personality or mental health conditions. Alcohol cost me a ridiculous amount of money and at least one job and nearly a couple of others. I was drinking to get out of social anxiety and have addiction issues in general, but somehow didn't see how bad I was getting. I would take time off drinking and think I was fine, but I always went back to it. Never start that. Also, never start smoking.

You will not be rewarded for doing it fast. You will be penalized for doing it wrong.

Get. Your. Oil. Changed.

It’s quite embarrassing, but I don’t drive very much (have been working from home for almost 5 years now) and let time and miles get away from me. I’m currently waiting to hear back, but I’m very likely going to need to get a new engine, so this will be the most expensive mistake that I’ve ever made.

Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.

I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house — all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.

My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.

I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.

Just don’t do it. It’s not worth the stress and the money.

1. You can offer help, but do not take action until the person you are helping has actually asked. This is of course talking about "real help" not helping someone pick up a book they dropped.

2. It takes a modicum of selfishness to live a healthy life.

3. You CANNOT fool yourself, the sooner you work within your reality the better it will be for you and everyone around you

Getting wasted in bars and clubs is not how one finds quality life partners.

Similarly, if no one is into you, that might be because the core of your identity is feeling desperately lonely while getting drunk in bars and clubs.

If you have to force it, you're going to break it.

Or in my case, tear it.

Wear hearing protection.

Investing even relatively small amounts of money monthly or weekly into an indexed mutual fund or similar at a young age should result in substantial growth and returns over 30 years or so.

Find someone you can share the good and the bad. Someone who won't judge you for how things turned out. Someone who will just listen and appreciate you being there. Be that person to them as well.

It doesn't have to be a partner. It may or may not be your parents. But find that person. And never let them go. You may not talk for years even. But always remember them.

Think twice before lending money.

Don't push too hard to poop. Just try again later or take something to help it out.

Never send an email or text that could get you in trouble later.

Get a dashcam. It's worth your whole car and everything in it.

weight loss is great but as you get older building muscle and strength is just as important - especially if you are female.

If you don't have a dream, do what makes money. Fuck what you enjoy.

Hobbies aren't careers and you don't want to end up 40 having never "found" yourself, suck working in a factory.

Source: long island doesn't have cliffs for me to drive off.

Don't get entangled in interpersonal drama among the people you know. If someone comes to you with some petty bullshit about someone else, and you weren't there, don't take their word for it, don't repeat their story.

By the time the changes in your health are dramatic enough that you notice the difference, you've already done enough damage to warrant a loooong recovery. This goes double for mental health.

A lot of people will just write off symptoms that don't disrupt their daily routine. "Walk it off," so to speak. But that's when you should have started looking for what lifestyle changes you could make to avoid anything more dire in the future.

I failed out of college the first time I ignored my anxiety and depression. This time, it led to a complete breakdown that I'm still struggling to overcomevthe symptoms of: I spend every day feeling on edge like my safety is threatened, and my gut revolts at every crumb of food. At night I twitch and can't sleep from the stomach pain without a sleeping pill. And it's been better this week than it was this time last month, where I hadn't slept for >48 hours, after a week of waking up every hour nightly, and was in the worst pain I've ever experienced as my body started to digest itself.

It started slowly in spring, with just a panic attack once a week or so, and spikes of anxiety that caused my vision to shake too much to see... But I still perservered without much thought. The doc prescribed me anti-vert meds, said it was just vertigo induced by allergies, sent me on. I forgot about it all summer as I focused on obligations and trips and work.

And now I'm wondering if this is just my life now, if I'll never feel relaxed again. Will the meds and therapy work, or have I done irreversible damage to my brain through inaction? Admittedly a less unpleasant thought than wondering if I'd ever be able to see straight long enough to get work done and put food on the table, or stand up without collapsing from panic and dizziness. At times I've wondered how much more I can take before suicide starts to sound like the better alternative.

I'm gonna keep on fighting and healing, but holy shit I wish I had just started the meds sooner.

Don't take shortcuts doing DIY. Prepare, use the right tools. Don't skip steps or do things "quick and dirty". Clean up afterwards.

Brush teeth 3x day, floss 2x day, checkup 2x year

It really helps later. Like life altering

Don't get fat. It is so hard to lose weight once you get over 40 years of age because you are fighting a reduced metabolism.

Don't get married unless you are 10,000% sure. People invariably get sick of each other over time. It can feel like a prison sentence. Real life is not the movies.

"Relationships take work". Yes. Absolutely. But would you buy a car that costs $50k or more to dispose of after it's broken down and unrepairable?

If she says she's on birth control but you haven't seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don't consent.

Don't marry someone before you've known them well for a few years. Don't ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes.

If your partner doesn't treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won't change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them.

Do learn what "love bombing" is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them.

There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.

Not everyone is awful.

Edit to add: don't ignore your friends or family telling you that they think your relationship is unhealthy, or that the person is mistreating you or others, or may be taking advantage of you. Even if you don't have much respect for the person telling you this, stop and listen and reflect, because red flags don't stand out to you when you're wearing rosy tinted glasses.

Don't be afraid of therapy, especially if you have anxiety.

When your partner complains they can’t screw other people because you’re away for a week, you might be dating someone you can’t fully trust long-term.

If you’re good at something, even if you don’t enjoy it, it might still make a good career. You don’t have to love what makes you money, just not hate it. If you’re good enough, you end up with a lot more free time for yourself. Doing what you love can also cause you to hate doing it as a hobby eventually. People don’t “love” their jobs. You don’t see them paying to do their job like they do for tennis lessons or sports events. You probably just tolerate your job, and that’s ok. Your life isn’t ruined.

Stay away from even legal drugs if you realize they affect you differently from the norm / other people. You might end up spending a couple nights in a hospital.

Alcohol is not really good for your body or mind.

Don’t just go for a shallow understanding of concepts. Learn and reason through them completely in your own way and you’ll never forget them. You’ll also be better prepared to use and extend them.

A solid sleep schedule is good for building a routine. A crazy sleep schedule can make you more creative. Choose a balance.

Know how food impacts you. You maybe eating something that drains you for decades without even realizing it. Introduce things one by one and see how you feel and think.

What people think about you does matter to an extent. It’s good to have confidence in yourself, but you can also be overconfident. It’s also ok to be a little judgmental at times about things that are important to you. You don’t have to be a dick about it though.

Tell people in your life what they mean to you and that you love them.
Often and always, you never know how much time you have together.

Call your mom, dad, your grandparents, spend time with your kids, with your nieces and nephew. Tell them all, that you are proud of them or grateful for them and that you love them.

We always think we have all the time in the world to spend with family and people we love. But if one of their lives is cut short, you might regret it forever!

Just get the tattoo. Your parents are already disappointed anyway. Live your life.

Cleaning is a skill. Learn to like it young and never have a messy home.